The Beauty of Loneliness

We were all sitting around the table, popcorn half eaten, wine bottle almost empty, finishing up our first summer bible study when I said those fateful words no one ever wants to hear-- let alone speak out loud... "Guys, I'm just lonely." 

My beautiful best friends were sitting around me, one about to have her first baby, the other freshly married and one preparing to get married in a couple of weeks. I just sat there and came to terms with this fact I've been running from for a while. 

I feel lonely. 

We were praying with the Gospel for that day; Jesus walking through the crowd of people following the official whose daughter had just died. When all of the sudden a suffering women of twelve years reaches out as He passes to catch a glimpse of His healing power. But the part that struck me wasn't the fact that He just healed a woman through a tassel on His clothing. Or the mere fact that a Roman official was humbling himself enough to ask Jesus for help. What struck me was that all He did to raise the girl from the dead was take her hand. Did you hear that? This little girl was dead. The crowds were already walking away, singing songs of sorrow, they had given up. Then Jesus walks in and simply took her hand. Nothing earth shattering. Nothing mind blowing. Just a simple touch. 

On the way home, I was driving silently in my car and realized the sting of what I have been feeling. Every woman has this deep soul desire to be pursued, desired by another, wanted, etc., and the list goes on and on and on. I've realized that no one really wants to admit to anyone that they are lonely because that would conjure up sympathetic sighs and awkward encouragements of "you're such a catch though" and "you'll eventually find someone perfect for you." So instead of acknowledging it, we get on Tinder or Bumble and swipe away that dirty "L word". 

That's the reason we're all social media obsessed, right? I cannot even begin to explain the number of times I've found myself deep into wedding or engagement pictures on Instagram for hours trying to avoid the fact that I'm not there yet. I scroll and scroll and then turn off my phone to the stark reality of my singleness. 

We don't allow ourselves to experience reality. 

Why would we? The world around us gives us ample opportunities and even encourages us to get out there and numb yourself. Go to the bar, have a mediocre/drunken conversation, go home with someone, and avoid being lonely for one more night. Tomorrow you can deal with it. 

But in that moment, sitting in the sting of loneliness, I felt Jesus reaching out His hand to me. He wanted me to be like that little girl in the Gospel, to allow Him to wake me up from the dead and walk with Him through this stage of my life. It wasn't that He was taking the pain or sting away, but that He was actually calling me into something deeper. He was transforming this pain and longing into something beautiful and He was asking me to open my eyes to it. To not only accept this loneliness that I am experiencing, but to embrace it--with Him, hand in Hand. He wanted me know that although I may feel lonely, that doesn't mean that I am alone. That the God Who created the Universe wants me to know that He understands what loneliness feels like; four nails on a cross. 

Brothers and sisters, the world is telling you to let go. It is telling you to do whatever you can to make it go away because the world doesn't want you to see the beauty in the hurt. It wants you to avoid suffering at all cost, but let me ask you this...Where would we be if Jesus did that? 

Tonight, I pray for all of you who are reading this and feeling that sting. I pray that you find the purpose in it and know that He is right there with you in all of it, even when it doesn't feel like it. 

Look at the cross. He's been waiting for you there.