Wow, I haven't been here for a while. Just a fair warning: this is probably going to be super long. Stop reading now if you don't have another 20 minutes to give me. Just kidding, don't stop reading. But I'm pretty serious about the length. :)
I've been thinking about this blog a lot lately. What I would say on my next post, who I want to see it, what message I want to get across to all my fellow bloggers, and non bloggers. The following words are what I've been pondering in my heart now for a while. So I think that it's time to finally get them down on paper...or computer. The title of this blog is simple: forgiveness. But holy crap, it might be the most difficult thing I've ever encountered; yet, I can't figure out why. My whole life I've been able to forgive people for things they have done to me. I've never been one to hold grudges and I commend myself for that. It's so easy to hold a grudge against someone and not forgive them for what they've done to you.
Side note: This weekend I went on a retreat called Koinonia. If you've never gone...GO! Seriously, it's the most amazing way to get away from the real world for a weekend and such a relaxing place to just figure out what is going on in your life. Last year, I went on a retreat just like it at this time. Amongst many, many things going on in my life, it was an awesome opportunity to surrender to God and really listen to what He was saying to me.
So on this retreat, I honestly didn't have anything to really think about (or so I thought.) Life has been going pretty good and I've just been trucking along through school, G-Phi, work, friends, family, etc. A few things have randomly come up that have thrown me off a little, but I haven't let them affect me and my prayer life has been at a really good place. But that was just the thing. All I was doing was going with the flow of things, not really knowing where I was going to. I realized that, not once, have I sat down and really thought about what God wanted for my life. I knew that what I had planned for my life what most definitely not what God had planned and I've finally come to peace with that. Now, I know what He doesn't want for me...but what DOES He want for me? I haven't yet figured that out. But over the next 54 (or so) days, I'm going to hopefully figure it out.
But back to the forgiveness thing. One thing I've been telling myself literally over, and over, and over, and over again is to "let go." Let go of anything in the way of my relationship with God. Let go of the past, it doesn't define you. Let go of anything that destroys your inner peace. Yada yada yada. What I've finally discovered (with God's help of course) is that to actually let go, to really have that inner peace that I've so long desired, I MUST forgive. And that scares the crap out of me. Forgive? Seriously? The past is in the past, let's keep it there, right? Wrong. I may tell myself to keep it there, but until I surrender my fears and hopes to God and forgive those (that one) that hurt me, I'm never going to be able to really, truly, let go. I read a quote, "God pushes us to love those we don't like." And how true is that. I'm not using this post to tell anyone that I've forgiven them, because I haven't yet. But I just want you guys to know that forgiveness may be one of the hardest things in life, but it is for sure one of the most amazing ways we can free ourselves and finally let go.
My challenge to you: embrace everything you have today, for you may not have it tomorrow. Forgive those who have hurt you, you will become freer than you've ever been. And finally, most importantly, never forget that you are worth it. Seriously. Every time you walk into mass and receive Jesus Christ in the Eucharist, He is telling you that you are worth it. You have to believe it yourself.
"If You want it Jesus, I want it too."
-Blessed Chiara
Remember you are worth it, forgive your enemies, and always
stay.beautiful
