For about two years now I've been giving this advice to people: whatever is supposed to happen will. And believe me, I live by that and 100% am convinced that no matter what happens in your life, that it happens for a reason. The fact that my life is out of my control actually gives me a sense of peace. Oddly enough, I don't want to be the one in control of my "destiny". I don't trust the plans I have for my life. I've tried that. It didn't work.
I guess what this post is about is that I'm learning to trust in a different way. The past two or three years my struggle has always been trusting God and trusting that everything will be okay. I'm past that and I know that there's a peace in my heart that whatever happens in life is beautiful and comes from the Higher Power that knows a lot more then I do. The struggle now is the everyday surrender. In life, we honestly don't even know what is going to happen in the next 5 minutes...let alone the next 5 years. Yes, of course you can have a plan and a goal for what you want to do but it's the day-by-day successes and failures that will get you there.
The everyday surrender -- to me -- is waking up in the morning and accepting whatever comes. Surrendering what you want and whole-heartedly wanting what God wants for you. I spent this past weekend with a friend of mine who is about to go on probably the scariest adventure of his life in a month--being deployed to Afghanistan for 9 months. However, amidst all of the uncertainty he's just accepted it. He is going to go over there and do what he has to do to come home safely. He trusts. It just puts into perspective how big God really is. How, no matter what, there's a lesson to be learned over there whether that lesson is for him to find out or for his friends and family to learn. Pray for him and all of the guys going over there.
However, in a month I will be going on a little (HUGE) adventure myself, to Malaysia and the Philippines. Am I scared? A little. Excited? You could say that. Ready to see what God has planned? Heck freaking yes. This all just fell into place and fell into my hands and usually the best things in life happen that way. Out of our control. God just knows and He knows our hearts and what they need at that certain moment. Apparently my heart needs to learn something over in Malaysia--so I'm there!
To conclude this scatter-brained post, I guess the everyday surrender is just telling yourself that everything is going to be okay. Looking outside and knowing that in this great, incredible world, God put us exactly where we are for a reason. He placed the people in our lives at the time He did to learn from them, to love them, to grow with them, and to help them. So my challenge for you (and for myself) is to just be in this moment, right now. Not to look ahead or try to chase your past again, but to look around you and the people in your life and thank God for them. There are so, so, so many amazing, beautiful things in this life--open your eyes and see them.
Be present right now, listen through the silence and always
stay.beautiful
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Friday, May 17, 2013
the night before life goes on.
Two years ago tonight, I sat outside my house in the car of my best friend. It was the night before our graduation from high school and at that moment, life was changing. I knew when I woke up the next day that I would have no control over what happened. I would walk the stage, receive my diploma, and be done with the place where I had established myself for four years. I was known by many of my peers and I was in a place that was my comfort zone. When I walked across that stage, all of that would be gone and all that remained were the memories and stories.
As we sat in the car, we assured each other that whatever was supposed to happen in our lives would. We knew that it wasn't what we had planned, or what we expected. But that whatever did happen, would be okay. In that moment, I just couldn't believe that. The only thing I saw was what I was losing; the reputation, the status, the relationship, the comfort, the friends. I didn't trust that everything would work out. All I wanted was what I thought my life was going to be like. I wanted my plan and my dreams. However, sitting in the car that night was when I realized that no matter how much I wanted my plan and my dreams to work out that they wouldn't. They wouldn't work out because they weren't His plans and His dream for me.
I look back on that night and all I remember is crying my eyes out and just wanting time to stop. For a moment, I just wanted to not worry about what was coming next and cherish what I knew was passing from my grip. The comfort, the reputation, the status, the relationship-- all of it was what I was holding onto and for just a minute longer I wanted to still have control over it. And maybe if I didn't move, life would just stay still and not move on without me.
Two years later, I'm sitting on my front porch looking at the spot we were sitting. I still feel the sting in my chest of the sadness I felt, however I'm smiling. I smile because I see not what I lost, but everything I have gained. I smile at the thought of having friends who are my rock and would do anything for me no matter what. Friends who I never, ever would've met if God hadn't closed doors in my life and lead me on His path. I smile at my parents who have given me the world and expect nothing in return. I smile at the love of my sister and brother-in-law and the happiness they radiate when they are together. I smile at the moon shining down on me telling me another amazing day has passed and that no matter what God's love is shining down on me. I smile at the inner peace that I have finally found and hope to never lose. I smile at the future, unknown to me yet I'm thankful for it already. I smile at the trials that I know I'm going to face, but with His strength I will overcome. And after all of that, I hear this quote radiating through my head:
When the world gives you 100 reasons to cry, show the world you have 1,000 reasons to smile.
keep your head up. who knows where you'll be in two years.
stay.beautiful
As we sat in the car, we assured each other that whatever was supposed to happen in our lives would. We knew that it wasn't what we had planned, or what we expected. But that whatever did happen, would be okay. In that moment, I just couldn't believe that. The only thing I saw was what I was losing; the reputation, the status, the relationship, the comfort, the friends. I didn't trust that everything would work out. All I wanted was what I thought my life was going to be like. I wanted my plan and my dreams. However, sitting in the car that night was when I realized that no matter how much I wanted my plan and my dreams to work out that they wouldn't. They wouldn't work out because they weren't His plans and His dream for me.
I look back on that night and all I remember is crying my eyes out and just wanting time to stop. For a moment, I just wanted to not worry about what was coming next and cherish what I knew was passing from my grip. The comfort, the reputation, the status, the relationship-- all of it was what I was holding onto and for just a minute longer I wanted to still have control over it. And maybe if I didn't move, life would just stay still and not move on without me.
Two years later, I'm sitting on my front porch looking at the spot we were sitting. I still feel the sting in my chest of the sadness I felt, however I'm smiling. I smile because I see not what I lost, but everything I have gained. I smile at the thought of having friends who are my rock and would do anything for me no matter what. Friends who I never, ever would've met if God hadn't closed doors in my life and lead me on His path. I smile at my parents who have given me the world and expect nothing in return. I smile at the love of my sister and brother-in-law and the happiness they radiate when they are together. I smile at the moon shining down on me telling me another amazing day has passed and that no matter what God's love is shining down on me. I smile at the inner peace that I have finally found and hope to never lose. I smile at the future, unknown to me yet I'm thankful for it already. I smile at the trials that I know I'm going to face, but with His strength I will overcome. And after all of that, I hear this quote radiating through my head:
When the world gives you 100 reasons to cry, show the world you have 1,000 reasons to smile.
keep your head up. who knows where you'll be in two years.
stay.beautiful
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
a trickle effect
I think one thing we all need to work on a little more is trust. Whether that is trusting others or trusting God or even trusting ourselves, we all could trust a little better. People always talk about having "trust issues" or talking about being in a relationship where their trust was broken so now they can never trust anyone again. However, I think from the beginning of time there have been "trust issues" with everyone whose ever walked the Earth. Why do I think this? Well, we humans really like to plan our lives. We like to be in control of what happens, when it happens and how it happens. And when something goes wrong with our perfect little plan, everything comes crashing down. Well, maybe it doesn't all come crashing down but sometimes it feels like that. Big or small, significant or insignificant, if something happens that is out of our control, we lose a bit of trust in "the plan" and sometimes even ourselves. In my experience (unfortunately) I lost trust in God.
The fact of the matter is, we are human. Sometimes, actually a lot of the time, we forget the fact that we don't know everything. We don't even know or have control over what is going to happen five minutes from now. Seriously...think about that. Yet, we (I) get so caught up in 5 years from now and forget that in reality I have no control over what is going to happen then. Some people might disagree with this saying "you control your own destiny" which, eh, I don't really agree with. Heck, if I control my own destiny...I'm screwed. But (yes, there's a but) the amazing thing is, we don't have to try to plan our lives because HE already has a plan that we could never even fathom.
So where does the trickle effect come in? Tonight at mass, Fr. Holdren had the best homily to explain why it's so hard to trust God sometimes (is anyone surprised he had an awesome homily? you shouldn't be.) The first reading was Ezekiel 47: 1-9, 12. In short, is this: An angel brings Ezekiel to the temple and he sees water flowing to the altar. The angel took Ezekiel around the gate where he saw water trickling from the side of the gate. The angel took him multiple times and wanted him to walk through the water. It started at his ankles, then became knee-deep, then up to his waist, and finally a river in which he couldn't walk through.
At first I didn't really get it. He's walking through a river....okay, big deal. That river? Yeah, it represents God's grace. He is constantly pouring grace over us and flooding us with His love and strength but so often we turn a blind eye to it. We turn our eyes towards the plan we have for ourselves and worldly desires that we so often think will satisfy and fulfill us. (Note: it never works.) However, if/when you trust in God with your WHOLE heart, not just part or some of the time, He will never, ever disappoint you. Sometimes, it's scary...really scary. Let me be the first one to tell you how scary trusting God is. It's not easy; it's a constant and daily struggle. But it's worth it.
Another thing Father said was that we don't always see the effects of God's plan right away. We may not see them for a few days, months, years even. But once you do, you'll know why everything had to happen. We always try to put a time limit on things in our lives. "I'll be over this in a few weeks," or "I think it'll happen at this time" but God doesn't work from our time schedule. He works from HIS.
Know that, as cliché as it sounds, everything really does happen for a reason. Sometimes we just see the first trickle of water (of God's plan) but when the whole river is revealed we won't believe our eyes, it'll be that amazing.
Let go, let God...and always,
stay.beautiful
The fact of the matter is, we are human. Sometimes, actually a lot of the time, we forget the fact that we don't know everything. We don't even know or have control over what is going to happen five minutes from now. Seriously...think about that. Yet, we (I) get so caught up in 5 years from now and forget that in reality I have no control over what is going to happen then. Some people might disagree with this saying "you control your own destiny" which, eh, I don't really agree with. Heck, if I control my own destiny...I'm screwed. But (yes, there's a but) the amazing thing is, we don't have to try to plan our lives because HE already has a plan that we could never even fathom.
So where does the trickle effect come in? Tonight at mass, Fr. Holdren had the best homily to explain why it's so hard to trust God sometimes (is anyone surprised he had an awesome homily? you shouldn't be.) The first reading was Ezekiel 47: 1-9, 12. In short, is this: An angel brings Ezekiel to the temple and he sees water flowing to the altar. The angel took Ezekiel around the gate where he saw water trickling from the side of the gate. The angel took him multiple times and wanted him to walk through the water. It started at his ankles, then became knee-deep, then up to his waist, and finally a river in which he couldn't walk through.
At first I didn't really get it. He's walking through a river....okay, big deal. That river? Yeah, it represents God's grace. He is constantly pouring grace over us and flooding us with His love and strength but so often we turn a blind eye to it. We turn our eyes towards the plan we have for ourselves and worldly desires that we so often think will satisfy and fulfill us. (Note: it never works.) However, if/when you trust in God with your WHOLE heart, not just part or some of the time, He will never, ever disappoint you. Sometimes, it's scary...really scary. Let me be the first one to tell you how scary trusting God is. It's not easy; it's a constant and daily struggle. But it's worth it.
Another thing Father said was that we don't always see the effects of God's plan right away. We may not see them for a few days, months, years even. But once you do, you'll know why everything had to happen. We always try to put a time limit on things in our lives. "I'll be over this in a few weeks," or "I think it'll happen at this time" but God doesn't work from our time schedule. He works from HIS.
Know that, as cliché as it sounds, everything really does happen for a reason. Sometimes we just see the first trickle of water (of God's plan) but when the whole river is revealed we won't believe our eyes, it'll be that amazing.
Let go, let God...and always,
stay.beautiful
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
the real fear.
Today marks the first day of the hardest, most rewarding seasons of the year; Lent. This has always been a time of the year where we give something up: pop, TV, candy, etc. However, this year I opted for something a little bit different and my have I already felt the sacrifice. Want to know what this crazy, extravagant, super hard sacrifice is??
Yep, you guessed it. Facebook.
I'm sure some of you just rolled your eyes or let out a "come on, it's not that hard." Because that's what I thought at first too. Right after I posted a status that got 30 likes and non stop texts saying how beautiful I looked for formal I thought,"It's only 40 days, can't be that bad." Then the time came to change my password and my heart started racing, literally. I'm not kidding. I was actually scared to give up my Facebook and Twitter for 40 days. Lame, huh?
After going a day without Facebook and still catching myself trying to look for the icon on my phone, I took a step back to think about why this is really affecting me this much. It's social media for pete's sake-- it's not life or death. However, after contemplating it I think I've come to some sort of conclusion and here it is.
Detachment. is. hard.
Really hard. And I guess I never really, actually detached myself before from this kind of security blanket. Facebook--in this situation-- is all of my fears, all of my insecurities, all of my masks to make sure everyone knows how great of a life I am having. It's constantly in their face and I can make myself out to be whomever I want them to think that I am. (Note: I'm not anyone different then who I am on my Facebook, that's not what I'm trying to say.) But when someone says they are trying to work on humility, this is definitely the way to do it. People won't know about what's going on in your life unless they interact with you and experience it with you. People won't be able to boost your ego by liking your pictures or statuses or retweeting your tweet that was stolen from song lyrics. This, my friends, is delaying gratification to a "T".
I thought that I had let go and given my hopes and dreams and desires up to God. I thought that I let go of my fears of the future, fears of being forgotten, fears of not ever being good enough. I thought all of that was behind me and that it had all gone away. Goes to show, it's a lot easier to think that you've let things go when you've actually just become really good at shoving them underneath your pillow.
The great thing is that the harder Lent is for you, the greater Easter will be. My amazing high school Guidance Counselor, Jan Frayser, once said to me, "You can't have the hope of the Resurrection without the struggle of the cross." Those words will never cease to bring a smile to my face. This cross and life we have right here, no matter what happens in it there will always be the hope of the Resurrection. So although I have a lot of detachments to rid myself of during this next 40 days, I have so much hope that God will overwhelm my heart with His love and blow my mind like He always seems to do.
"Whoever wishes to be my follower must deny his very self, take up his cross, and follow in my steps."
Lk 9:23
Go count your blessings, never give up hope, and always
stay.beautiful
Yep, you guessed it. Facebook.
I'm sure some of you just rolled your eyes or let out a "come on, it's not that hard." Because that's what I thought at first too. Right after I posted a status that got 30 likes and non stop texts saying how beautiful I looked for formal I thought,"It's only 40 days, can't be that bad." Then the time came to change my password and my heart started racing, literally. I'm not kidding. I was actually scared to give up my Facebook and Twitter for 40 days. Lame, huh?
After going a day without Facebook and still catching myself trying to look for the icon on my phone, I took a step back to think about why this is really affecting me this much. It's social media for pete's sake-- it's not life or death. However, after contemplating it I think I've come to some sort of conclusion and here it is.
Detachment. is. hard.
Really hard. And I guess I never really, actually detached myself before from this kind of security blanket. Facebook--in this situation-- is all of my fears, all of my insecurities, all of my masks to make sure everyone knows how great of a life I am having. It's constantly in their face and I can make myself out to be whomever I want them to think that I am. (Note: I'm not anyone different then who I am on my Facebook, that's not what I'm trying to say.) But when someone says they are trying to work on humility, this is definitely the way to do it. People won't know about what's going on in your life unless they interact with you and experience it with you. People won't be able to boost your ego by liking your pictures or statuses or retweeting your tweet that was stolen from song lyrics. This, my friends, is delaying gratification to a "T".
I thought that I had let go and given my hopes and dreams and desires up to God. I thought that I let go of my fears of the future, fears of being forgotten, fears of not ever being good enough. I thought all of that was behind me and that it had all gone away. Goes to show, it's a lot easier to think that you've let things go when you've actually just become really good at shoving them underneath your pillow.
The great thing is that the harder Lent is for you, the greater Easter will be. My amazing high school Guidance Counselor, Jan Frayser, once said to me, "You can't have the hope of the Resurrection without the struggle of the cross." Those words will never cease to bring a smile to my face. This cross and life we have right here, no matter what happens in it there will always be the hope of the Resurrection. So although I have a lot of detachments to rid myself of during this next 40 days, I have so much hope that God will overwhelm my heart with His love and blow my mind like He always seems to do.
"Whoever wishes to be my follower must deny his very self, take up his cross, and follow in my steps."
Lk 9:23
Go count your blessings, never give up hope, and always
stay.beautiful
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