I think one thing we all need to work on a little more is trust. Whether that is trusting others or trusting God or even trusting ourselves, we all could trust a little better. People always talk about having "trust issues" or talking about being in a relationship where their trust was broken so now they can never trust anyone again. However, I think from the beginning of time there have been "trust issues" with everyone whose ever walked the Earth. Why do I think this? Well, we humans really like to plan our lives. We like to be in control of what happens, when it happens and how it happens. And when something goes wrong with our perfect little plan, everything comes crashing down. Well, maybe it doesn't all come crashing down but sometimes it feels like that. Big or small, significant or insignificant, if something happens that is out of our control, we lose a bit of trust in "the plan" and sometimes even ourselves. In my experience (unfortunately) I lost trust in God.
The fact of the matter is, we are human. Sometimes, actually a lot of the time, we forget the fact that we don't know everything. We don't even know or have control over what is going to happen five minutes from now. Seriously...think about that. Yet, we (I) get so caught up in 5 years from now and forget that in reality I have no control over what is going to happen then. Some people might disagree with this saying "you control your own destiny" which, eh, I don't really agree with. Heck, if I control my own destiny...I'm screwed. But (yes, there's a but) the amazing thing is, we don't have to try to plan our lives because HE already has a plan that we could never even fathom.
So where does the trickle effect come in? Tonight at mass, Fr. Holdren had the best homily to explain why it's so hard to trust God sometimes (is anyone surprised he had an awesome homily? you shouldn't be.) The first reading was Ezekiel 47: 1-9, 12. In short, is this: An angel brings Ezekiel to the temple and he sees water flowing to the altar. The angel took Ezekiel around the gate where he saw water trickling from the side of the gate. The angel took him multiple times and wanted him to walk through the water. It started at his ankles, then became knee-deep, then up to his waist, and finally a river in which he couldn't walk through.
At first I didn't really get it. He's walking through a river....okay, big deal. That river? Yeah, it represents God's grace. He is constantly pouring grace over us and flooding us with His love and strength but so often we turn a blind eye to it. We turn our eyes towards the plan we have for ourselves and worldly desires that we so often think will satisfy and fulfill us. (Note: it never works.) However, if/when you trust in God with your WHOLE heart, not just part or some of the time, He will never, ever disappoint you. Sometimes, it's scary...really scary. Let me be the first one to tell you how scary trusting God is. It's not easy; it's a constant and daily struggle. But it's worth it.
Another thing Father said was that we don't always see the effects of God's plan right away. We may not see them for a few days, months, years even. But once you do, you'll know why everything had to happen. We always try to put a time limit on things in our lives. "I'll be over this in a few weeks," or "I think it'll happen at this time" but God doesn't work from our time schedule. He works from HIS.
Know that, as cliché as it sounds, everything really does happen for a reason. Sometimes we just see the first trickle of water (of God's plan) but when the whole river is revealed we won't believe our eyes, it'll be that amazing.
Let go, let God...and always,
stay.beautiful
