After many, many months of trying to make this blog post perfect in a way that will describe somewhat how life-changing this experience was, this is what came of it.
Warning: My heart and soul is going to be poured out during this blog post so if you aren't ready for that, you might want to stop reading.
The first way (of many) ways that God showed me His infinite power on this trip was through the fundraising process. In a small amount of time, I was to raise $3,800. When He made the financial aspect of the trip happen through the many, many angels I have surrounding me, I came to the realization that this trip wasn't about me. No, No..it was way, way more than that. Christianity and Catholicism is a radical life of giving of yourself to every single person you come into contact with; it's a way of life. And God was asking us to give up the comfort of our country, our homes, our own food, and all of the physical pleasures we experience on a daily basis to do just that--bring His Light and His Life to the people of Singapore, Malaysia and the Philippines.
Bring It On
Even before we left the United States, I met literal angels helping us get to where we needed to go along the way. Alissa and I had a woman who flew with us from Omaha to LA hold a plane in Houston until we were able to run across...no no...sprint across the airport to catch the plane. She told all of the flight attendants that the plan couldn't leave until we got there. I'm not sure where that LA school teacher is now, but wherever you are--thank you.
Looking back on all of our experiences, the people, the country, it changed something inside of me. At the time, I was just living each day and asking God for the strength to make it through that single day. I had zero control over anything that was going to happen and I was in a situation that I could not get out of. Although it may not have been the air-conditioned, running-water, bug-free house that I'm living in now, I found peace knowing that I was just fine without all of those things. There are times that I make a big deal out of a single spider until I realize one year ago I was sleeping under a mosquito net and praying in a room with flying cockroaches. Yet, the peace in my heart and in all of our hearts, was indescribable.
There are a million and one things I miss about Malaysia, Singapore and the Philippines. I miss the friendships I made with all of the students, I miss the strange food (however, I don't miss the pig tongue), I miss the kids that changed my life forever. But most importantly, I miss the prayer. The Divine link that connected us to each other and to God through prayer and daily mass was so short that I took every single thing to God and prayed to Him about it--my struggles, the blessings, the future, everything. And despite doing that for a month straight, it is one of the hardest things in my life right now. Praying is the same, but it doesn't feel the same because of all of the distractions: cell phones, Facebook, school, relationships, etc, etc.
After looking at all of the pictures from the trip again, I wanted to share with you all some of my favorite ones and tell you how it impacted me.
"Jesus sent out these twelve after instructing them this, 'Do not go into pagan territory. Go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.' Behold, I am sending you like sheep among wolves."
Matthew 10:5-16
I could not have asked for a better group of people to have experienced this trip with. I remember thinking right after I got off the phone interview with Frank-o that I was so excited to share something so special with a group of strangers. Although we haven't kept in touch, I want y'all to know that each of you hold a special place in my heart. I hope that this corrupt, crazy, American world and lifestyle doesn't change what God instilled in each of our hearts one year ago. You are each such a light in the lives of the people around you and I want to personally thank you each for impacting me in such a profound way.
My darling Dhea
Although you may have already forgotten us, your smile hasn't left our hearts. The joy you brought every single day to my life made it easy to wake up in the morning and face the day. I never saw Dhea without a smile on her face. In the morning, she would run over as fast as she could and jump on your lap and not get off. She would jump and flip and never stop smiling or laughing or dancing. I miss this darling girl, but I cannot wait to see her smiling face in Heaven one day.
John Paul
The first work day in the Philippines, we met John Paul. He was probably a 9 year old boy who couldn't get enough of us. He even came to mass with us a couple times! Whenever we would work, he would work with us doing whatever it was we were doing. He looked up to the guys in our group like a son looked up to his father. It was so cool to see the guys pray with him and love him unconditionally and he respected them so much. John Paul, wherever you are, I miss you. Your tears on the last day weren't a result of the time we spent with you, but were the result of God shining down His love upon you through the men in our group. Praise God for all the guys in our group who touched JP's life in ways they can't imagine.
Sacrifice
This picture is just one of many pictures that shows the sacrifice that we went through. This is probably the least amount of sacrifice a picture could show, however it is a pretty good picture of how our trip went. One of the things our trip leader said was that you can't just be flexible on this trip, you have to be liquid. Things are going to be thrown at us that weren't planned or totally out of the blue and we just have to say "okay" and do it. The van rides one of many ways we gave up our comfort zones (quite literally) and threw our guards down as a group. We let God form us together and we became so close (physically and spiritually.) It was never a dull moment in these vans, especially when Julian was driving. Thank you Jesus we're alive. ;)
Gigi
Our Lady of Perpetual Help
My angel
The gang
And last but not least.....
My beautiful Abai
I met Abai the second or third day we were in the village. She was always quiet and never said a word, but she had this smile on her face that was literally from an angel. Whenever she would come sit on my lap, she would always just rest her head on my chest and sit there. I never wanted to let her go. She was so little and perfect and it felt like I was holding an angel in my lap. The whole time we were there, I had a rosary that I had made by my friend Julia and had it for over a year. It was always on my wrist and I never took it off. While we were in the Philippines, all of the children always had rosaries around their necks besides Abai. You could see on her face that she wanted one but would always just smile at the other children playing with theirs. I decided that I wanted to leave something with Abai and so I gave her my rosary to have.
Beautiful girl, I hope you grow up to be whatever your heart desires. You were such an angel to me and I miss you every single day. Know that I love you and hope that smile of yours never goes away.
So to all of the people out there who think that mission trips are merely made by white, American girls trying to get a new profile picture--I want to respectfully tell you that you couldn't be more wrong. Did I change my profile picture? Yes. Did I go because I needed a radical change in my life? Absolutely. Did God call me to go out and serve His people even though two weeks won't change their physical situation at all? You bet. If your argument against mission trips is that we are actually hurting them and not helping them, I beg to differ. We may not have built an entire house with our bare hands. We didn't bring them out of poverty or drastically change their physical situation at all. However, I ask you to look beyond the physical ramifications of a mission trip because, in reality, that's not what mission trips are (or should be) about. This trip wasn't about me. It wasn't about my profile picture changing or making me feel better about myself because I got to give a kid in the Philippines a hug. This trip was about Christ--as is everything in life.
Something I struggled with as I came back to my everyday life was wondering if these kids would forget about us. The devil got in my head and told me night and day that what we did and what we brought to them wasn't useless. What I didn't realize at the time though, was that we are not their savior. We cannot protect them or make sure they have dinner or change their lives at all. But God can. Just like I cannot control my life, I cannot be a savior to these kids. But if through me they saw the Light, if through me they felt loved and appreciated and happy, then it was 100% worth it. Maybe they will forget me, maybe they already have. But I will never, ever forget them.
