Just some random thoughts again that I need/ want to get down while they are running through my head. I've been so freaking confused lately. About what you ask? I'd like to know myself actually. I feel like in high school, I knew who I was, and who I wanted to be. I didn't care what people thought about me, I just did my own thing. Yet once I got to college, I feel like conformity is what EVERYONE is doing. Literally. And especially being in a sorority (not bashing it, I can't explain how glad I am to be in G-Phi) but you get what I'm saying. The need to feel a part of the group, wearing bows, heels, short skirts, being tan, etc., etc. It's just all getting too much for me. I'm losing me. And I'm not sure if this is too much, too personal for the blogging world but I just need to get it out. I'm losing who I want to become. I always always wanted to be different and I didn't care that people thought I was. I liked how people knew me as the girl that doesn't dress like everyone else and I was known by my style. Now, what's special about me? How am I any different then any other girl on campus trying to figure out who she is supposed to be and trying to impress anyone and everyone around her but losing herself instead?
I keep wondering about what other people think of certain things and how I'm perceived by others but what does it even matter? Why the hell am I so freaking concerned with what everyone else thinks about me? Who knows. If anyone can tell me, I'd greatly appreciate knowing. Anyways, I guess my quest now is just to figure out what I love- God, my family, fashion, art- and put my whole heart into that. I guess I just always feel like I need someone there, yet God constantly shows me that I'm okay on my own. And I just need to remember that I'm not alone. I'm not alone at all in fact. And to just be me. Whoever that is. I think one of the reasons why I've been lacking so much in inspiration and not being able to find any is because I'm looking. I need to stop looking, whether it be for inspiration, happiness, peace. Whatever it is I'm looking for, I need to stop looking. Because in the moment I stop looking, that's when I'm going to find it.
I guess the beauty of life isn't wondering what everyone else thinks about a situation, it's figuring out your opinions about things and never backing down from those. Life's about not staying true to what everyone else thinks, but staying true to yourself. Even if you're not quite sure who that is yet.
Lord,
Tonight, my plea to You is to help me to shape who I am going to become around You. I get so caught up in worldly things and that's when I lose my trust in You. Help me to know what You want me to do with my life. Open my heart to the graces that You constantly pour upon me and help me to know that anything that comes my way in the future, You will be there and give me the grace to overcome it. Just help me to let go, and let You work.
Amen.
be inspired, be independent, and always
stay.beautiful
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