the sweet, sweet arrow.

Human beings amaze me. Their compassion, their support, their beauty--it has all just amazed me. And although many of us expect humans to be nice to each other, that's obviously not always the case. I'm actually not really sure what I expected to meet when I got down here to good 'ole Texas. I was expecting a summer of solitude and self-exploration and frankly, just being alone (which was oddly okay with me.) However, the second I got down here I had a plethora of people asking me to hang out, go to the bars with them, go shopping, go to baseball games, etc. They brought me in and made me feel like I was a part of the group and it made the transition so much easier and way more fun. And let me just tell you that Texans might even be *dare I say* nicer then Nebraskans. (Keyword: might.)

anyways...

For the past three years in college, I've surrounded myself with the most amazing and incredible people. They are people who love beyond limits, would drop anything to be with you when you can't seem to pick yourself up out of bed, and go on Sonic runs (or Jimmy Johns) in the middle of the night just cause. And having these people around me has made me realize how important it is to spend your time and energy with people who love you no matter what and who will be there no matter what. There are people in my life who I have given way too much credit and energy to who are undeserving of it. Isn't it funny that we have so many people who love us in the world, yet we focus our energy on the few who don't? Why the heck do we do that? Seriously though...will someone please tell me. Love them, yes. But I'm vowing to no longer waste energy on people who....well..shitty.

I read a blog the other day and it helped me to realize that happiness isn't an object to attain. So many people think that once they "get happy" or "get happiness" but really that isn't what it is about at all. Happiness is inside of you, however cliché that sounds. No one can give you happiness. So stop thinking that is going to come from someone else.

A couple of months ago, I got an arrow tattooed on my side with my sister. At first, it was a reminder to myself to keep moving forward no matter what. However, being away it has kind of taught me something else. Yes, it points forward. But in reality, it points to the place I've come from as well as the place that I'm going. Wherever the hell that is. It points to the people who support me no matter what, even when I pick up and decide to move to Texas. It points to the people who never get sick of having to remind me that everything is going to be okay.


This blog was all over the place and I apologize for that. But, if you're reading this far that means you must have found something worthwhile in it and for that I am thankful. Know that I am praying for y'all and keep this wandering soul in your prayers as well.

The Pill Actually Sucks.

Many, many women in our generation are currently taking a little white pill labeled “The Birth Control Pill.” If you are reading this and are one of these women, in no way, shape or form is this article supposed to reprimand you for doing so. I understand that there are medical reasons (some life threatening) that women take it. However, I wish to inform you of the truths that many doctors fail to tell you when they prescribe this pill that is supposed to solve all of your problems. Let me start off by saying that you and your femininity are absolutely beautiful. Do not let anyone tell you anything differently. Believe it or not, your fertility and those pesky hormones are what make you a woman.

Here are ten truths about the pill that most people don’t know before they take it.

1)   Increased risk of cancer

There have been many articles written about how the pill is said to decrease chances of ovarian cancer. However, in a study done by the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology in 2004, “Women who are on the pill have an increased chance of getting breast, cervical and liver cancer. In another study done by the Cancer Epidemiology, Biomakers and Prevention center in California, “Women who regularly use the pill are 4.2 times more likely to get breast cancer.”

If this doesn’t make an impact on you, think about this. The number of cases of breast cancer has risen over 80% since the 1970s. Do you know what happened right before that? You guessed it, the birth control pill was approved in 1960.

2)   Origin of the Pill

      When Dr. Gregory Pincus originally introduced the pill, he started off the study by testing the birth control pill on men. The study showed that the birth control pill caused "testicular swelling on the men" so they stopped the study right away. Dr. Pincus then started testing the pill on women. During this study, three women died and yet they still continued. To this day, there are no oral contraceptives for men because it is “too risky”. This, ladies and gentlemen, is sexism at its finest.

3)   Bad Sex.

      Although not all girls are on the pill for sexual reasons, believe it or not, many girls actually are. We are meant to have sex—good sex. Actually not just good sex, we are made to have GREAT sex. Naturally, women are the horniest when they are ovulating.  However, the pill stops that ovulation which, in turn, stops the inherent, natural desire for sex. Ever heard of faking the big O? Yeah, this is why women are known for doing that—because of this stupid pill. We have to use pornography and sex toys to make sex more enjoyable when in fact our natural desire for sex is meant to be good enough.

             4) Manhood and Masculinity is attacked

      During ovulation, women are more attracted to guys with masculine features (i.e. broad shoulders, facial hair, muscles). Women who are on the pill don’t have “fertile days” which means they don’t have the same hormonal changes that cause them to be attracted to men of dissimilar genetic makeup (according to Dr. S. Craig Roberts). Women in this study reported to be less satisfied with men of similar genetic makeup then after sleeping with men of dissimilar genetic makeup. This non-satisfaction leads me to my next point.

5)   Increases the chance of divorce

Although the pill isn’t directly correlated to the increase of divorce, studies show that couples that use NFP (Natural Family Planning), as opposed to artificial contraceptives, have less than 0.2% divorce rate. Compare this number to scary (and rising) national divorce rate of 50%.

6) The Symptoms

            Many women (and girls) who go on the pill are most concerned with the most common side effect—weight gain. Ladies, the doctors will tell you that weight gain, some spotting, and bigger boobs are the only side effects of the pill but I’m sorry to tell you that they are absolutely wrong. Those are some of the most common side effects, but in reality, a lot of other sh** happens to your body without you even knowing. I had two friends within two weeks of each other get rushed to the ER because they had a blood clot that was caused by their birth control.  There are so many lawsuits out there that are suing various birth control brands because they caused blood clots, strokes, heart attacks, and even death. You tell me, is a clear, acne-free face or cramp-less period worth your life? I don’t think so.

7) Objectifies women

            Ladies, you don’t deserve to put your beautiful body through the burden of having to live with being a slave to this medication. Yes, maybe you take it for medical reasons, but there are actually pretty natural ways to regulate your period, clear your acne, and make cramps more bearable. Our culture says to women, “Your fertility is a problem and the way to solve that is to change your life and schedule to become enslaved to this pill, ring, shots, patches,” or whatever it may be. You are not a burden. Your fertility, hormones, mood changes and all, are what make you a woman. Embrace that!

8) It makes you LESS ATTRACTIVE to men

            We are in the time of our lives that everyone around us either is looking for a significant other or is getting one. Relationships and your attractiveness to the opposite sex are in the forefront of everyone’s minds. So why would we take a pill influence our attractiveness and ability to find a life-long mate? Lionel Tiger (and colleagues) did a study where they put one male monkey on an island with six other female monkeys. The male monkey picked out three female monkeys who were his primary sex partners. Tiger then injected the female monkeys with contraceptives and the male monkey stopped having sex with them. The male monkey then went on to have sex with the female monkeys that weren’t on the contraceptive. This study shows that women who aren’t on contraceptives are more attractive to men.

9) Changes who you’re attracted to

            Pheromones are the odorless, colorless chemical that attracts people to one another. Women give off the most pheromones when they are ovulating, which makes them the most attractive during this time. However, since the pill releases crazy amounts of artificial hormones, the pheromones that the women are attracted to change when they stop taking the pill. It goes back to the point I made in reason #4—it makes you less attracted to masculine men and in turn your pheromones make you attracted to a less suitable partner. (No thank you.)

10) It’s harmful to the environment.

            Finally, if none of these reasons sway you to think twice before you pop that pill that is supposed to solve all of your problems, give the environment a break. There are so many people that are concerned with recycling and doing so much to help the earth, yet they are doing harm to themselves AND the environment when they are taking this artificial pill. The pill emits 30-50 mcg of estrogen in one dose. Every woman that takes it ends up going to the bathroom, and in turn this water eventually makes its way to water reservoirs and the fish actually take in the estrogen that is in the water. EE2, which is the active ingredient in most birth control pills, creates an “intersex” among fish. Which basically means makes male fish, male/female fish. That’s gross. Let’s be nice to our environment and let male fish be male fish.

           

Ladies and gentlemen, (but mostly just ladies):  you are worth more then putting your body through all of this artificialness. Your body was made in a way that is perfect just the way it is and there’s no reason for you to have to change it. Do yourselves a favor and research (holistically) what your doctors are prescribing and what you are putting into your body. Believe me, the pill is not the end all be all to your problems and to your life.

simplicity.

Woah. These last few weeks have been a whirlwind of craziness--from living out of a suitcase, to being in Lincoln for only 12 hours before driving down to Texas, to sleeping on an air mattress and the craziness continues. Here's my brief overview of what's been going on the last few weeks!


On Sunday afternoon, I got back from my amazing NYC study tour (see previous post). I got back only to shower, do laundry, get a good night's sleep, pack up my car and venture down to Texas with Daddio. The 10 hour drive went by fairly fast and we got down to Fort Worth in good time on Monday night. I temporarily moved into a house with some girls from TCU for the week and spent Tuesday roaming around Fort Worth with Dad. We drove around to get a feel for the town a little bit and after a much too quick visit, he headed out to Dallas to catch an early morning flight.

The first week of work I got to go to Dallas Market which is a huge building in Dallas that has hundreds of showrooms showcasing different brands and clothing lines for buyers to come shop around in. Although it was kind of a slow market, I got to really understand the brand and the product and talk to buyers about why I'm in love with the jeans. After work, I got to hang out with some of the girls that I was living with and had so much fun. College bars down here are actually super different then the "downtown" I know of (no 'Rail' in sight....thank the Lord.) There's live music, space to actually talk to people (what?!) and a ton of really great people in general.

Here is where the title of this blog comes into play. Since I've been down here, for less than two weeks, I've already learned quite a lot. The biggest thing I've learned is the lesson of simplicity. Before I came down here, I honestly didn't really know what I was getting myself into. Heck, I didn't have a place to live for a week until about three days before I was actually here. And when I did get down here, I quickly realized that I didn't know anyone. Nor am I outgoing enough to go out and meet people--I'd rather just go read by myself at a coffee shop. However, I've come to realize that you don't need to know what's going to happen every minute of every day. You don't necessarily have to be in control of everything because the Man who created you and who loves you beyond comprehension will take care of you. As I was skyping with one of my best friends back home, I came to the realization that there's a big difference between being alone and being lonely. Being down here in Texas with no family and none of my closest friends means I'm pretty much alone, doing my own thing. However, 'lonely' is one of the farthest things away from what I am. I'm not lonely at all, even though in essence I should be. But knowing that I'm living out God's will for my life at this very moment makes me so content with where I'm at and with what I'm doing.

I have no idea where I'm going to be in a year from now, but the simple answer is that I don't need to know. He knows. And that's all that truly matters. So my prayer tonight is a thanksgiving prayer, for all of the support from my parents, my sister and brother in-law, my amazing friends and all the other people in my life who have supported all of my crazy goings-on. I am truly blessed by all of the people in my life and by a God who unceasingly loves me. I cannot wait to see what this summer entails and to learn all of the lessons it may bring.


Remember, life is really quite simple.

NYC trip (in a nutshell)

Hudson River Boat Tour 

Being a fashion design major, your one real dream is to go to New York City. NYC is where it all happens, from fashion week to major corporate headquarters; it’s the city where dreams come true. Caitlin Larwood, editorial director at makeup.com, told us that, “Dream jobs happen in this city.” Hearing that come from someone who has worked in the city for about five years and has an incredible job makes the reality of it hit home. We were going to a city where the most important events in fashion happen and I was more then ready for it.

After getting advice from some friends who have lived and worked in New York, I was ready to pack up my suitcase and get on the plane. Once we arrived, we were bused to our hotel that seemed as though it was right out of a movie. That night we did a little walking tour around the city and got to see the famous Bergdorf Goodman window displays. 

Bergdorf Goodman's Fifth Avenue Window Display

As I was walking down Fifth Avenue, I felt channeled by my inner Audrey Hepburn and now fully understood why she went and had breakfast at Tiffany’s every morning. To see this beautiful hunk of rock. 

178.54 carat Yellow Tiffany's Diamond: only worn by 2 women ever. 

A few of my favorite places that we visited were Armani, Ann Taylor, the Doneger Group and L’Oreal. When we walked into the Giorgio Armani offices, it felt like we passed through the doors to a different world.

Giorgio Armani Offices overlooking Highline Park 

Mind you, they were still doing some unpacking from moving offices, but we had entered into the Armani World. All of the people we met were in all black or all white and-oh my- they were chic. As they talked about the company, you could see the passion they had for Armani oozing out of their words. They spoke so highly about Mr. Armani and held the standards that he has set for the company so high in their own careers. It was inspiring to see people so passionate about their jobs and the company that they work for. This was evident at Ann Taylor too, however the professionals that we got to speak with here were more willing to share about their career experiences and about what they liked and didn’t like about the industry. The Doneger Group was a unique experience because it was a part of the industry that no one really knows that much about. Hannah Kimberly gave us an overview of what will be trending in Fall 2015 including colors, fabrics, shapes, etc.

Color samples at The Doneger Group

This was a very research heavy job—however very rewarding and useful to the entire industry. Finally, we went to L’Oreal where we met with the Social Media Marketing team and heard how a company keeps up with the ever-changing world of social media.

In our free time when we weren’t going to meetings, we got to go to the Met Museum (which allowed me to let out my inner Art History nerd)

Oh, just being Blair Waldorf outside the steps of the Met. 

Claude Monet, enough said. 

as well as an interesting trip on the subway to Coney Island to watch the Creighton Baseball team play in the Big East tournament (that ended up getting rained out.) 

Go Bluejays! 

 Two of ten Creighton fans....

The aftermath. 

Note: Don’t be in Brooklyn past midnight if you are four twenty-something women and don’t go past the aquarium (advice from the bartender from Iowa.) We also got to see the incredibly glamorous and hilarious Broadway show—Kinky Boots. I’m still singing along to the lyrics and wanting a pair of my own kinky boots.

Outside the Kinky Boots theatre! 

All in all, I cannot wait to go back to this wonderful city—the smells (bad and good), the chaos of cabs, the ever-moving streets full of people who don’t know you and frankly don’t really care to, and the not-so-glamorous however incredibly magical hot dog stands. I’m open to wherever life takes me, however I hope that someday I will end up back in the city where “dream jobs happen.”

Ohhh Fleet week. 

Manhattan's Elite outside the Lincoln Center Ballet theatre

The inevitable "first cab ride/roomie pic" 

Hotel overlooking Times Square

Marc Jacobs photo booth

"But first, let's take a selfie" (because we were just late to Armani.)

"are you scared?"

Since I was ten years old, I've dreamed about becoming a fashion designer. I dreamt of living a fast-paced life in New York city and having people read my name on the labels of their clothing. Although I always dreamed about it, I never actually believed it would happen. Why? Because:

We dream unattainable dreams. 

That's what "dream big" means, right? "Dream" about something so big that most likely you won't achieve it--but go for it anyway kid. I read a Pinterest quote one time (who am I kidding, I read them every day) that said, "If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough." I never was really scared about my dreams of being in fashion. I figured that life would get in the way and that I would end up like a lot of people do, falling and love and having my dreams change. I actually planned on settling on a dream closer to home because of where I thought my life was going to end up. However, for the past month and a half I've been filling out internship applications and sending my scrupulously perfected resume off to God-only-knows-where-NYC. It's weird when a dream of yours finally comes to a reality, or an almost-reality. At first you step back and second guess if this is really your dream. Should I have dreamt bigger? 

For some reason I feel like dreams should be unattainable and I actually thought my dream of being in the fashion industry was. I always just felt like I had this big city dream that was never going to be fulfilled-- that I was going to find a "someone" that would keep me in The Good Life and that my yearning would always be there. God is really cool though. He's cool because He puts these yearnings in our hearts so that we have some kind of inkling of His Awesome plan for us. So, although I thought my dream was unattainable, God once again came through to show me that anything really is possible within His Hands. 

So while talking with my mom about NYC and Texas, she asked me "are you scared?" I kind of laughed to myself and said "Well, yeah I'm scared. But that makes me want to go all the more." And now that I really think about it, I'm scared shitless. But that's what all the cliché things say right? My version of the Pinterest quote goes something like this, "If your dreams don't scare you shitless, then they aren't big enough." So in the end, my unattainable dreams really must be big enough and that, to me, is so beautiful. Be scared shitless, because in the end it might just end up perfectly. 

the everyday surrender.

For about two years now I've been giving this advice to people: whatever is supposed to happen will. And believe me, I live by that and 100% am convinced that no matter what happens in your life, that it happens for a reason. The fact that my life is out of my control actually gives me a sense of peace. Oddly enough, I don't want to be the one in control of my "destiny". I don't trust the plans I have for my life. I've tried that. It didn't work.

I guess what this post is about is that I'm learning to trust in a different way. The past two or three years my struggle has always been trusting God and trusting that everything will be okay. I'm past that and I know that there's a peace in my heart that whatever happens in life is beautiful and comes from the Higher Power that knows a lot more then I do. The struggle now is the everyday surrender. In life, we honestly don't even know what is going to happen in the next 5 minutes...let alone the next 5 years. Yes, of course you can have a plan and a goal for what you want to do but it's the day-by-day successes and failures that will get you there.

The everyday surrender -- to me -- is waking up in the morning and accepting whatever comes. Surrendering what you want and whole-heartedly wanting what God wants for you. I spent this past weekend with a friend of mine who is about to go on probably the scariest adventure of his life in a month--being deployed to Afghanistan for 9 months. However, amidst all of the uncertainty he's just accepted it. He is going to go over there and do what he has to do to come home safely. He trusts. It just puts into perspective how big God really is. How, no matter what, there's a lesson to be learned over there whether that lesson is for him to find out or for his friends and family to learn. Pray for him and all of the guys going over there.

However, in a month I will be going on a little (HUGE) adventure myself, to Malaysia and the Philippines. Am I scared? A little. Excited? You could say that. Ready to see what God has planned? Heck freaking yes. This all just fell into place and fell into my hands and usually the best things in life happen that way. Out of our control. God just knows and He knows our hearts and what they need at that certain moment. Apparently my heart needs to learn something over in Malaysia--so I'm there!

To conclude this scatter-brained post, I guess the everyday surrender is just telling yourself that everything is going to be okay. Looking outside and knowing that in this great, incredible world, God put us exactly where we are for a reason. He placed the people in our lives at the time He did to learn from them, to love them, to grow with them, and to help them. So my challenge for you (and for myself) is to just be in this moment, right now. Not to look ahead or try to chase your past again, but to look around you and the people in your life and thank God for them. There are so, so, so many amazing, beautiful things in this life--open your eyes and see them.



Be present right now, listen through the silence and always

stay.beautiful

the night before life goes on.

Two years ago tonight, I sat outside my house in the car of my best friend. It was the night before our graduation from high school and at that moment, life was changing. I knew when I woke up the next day that I would have no control over what happened. I would walk the stage, receive my diploma, and be done with the place where I had established myself for four years. I was known by many of my peers and I was in a place that was my comfort zone. When I walked across that stage, all of that would be gone and all that remained were the memories and stories.

As we sat in the car, we assured each other that whatever was supposed to happen in our lives would. We knew that it wasn't what we had planned, or what we expected. But that whatever did happen, would be okay. In that moment, I just couldn't believe that. The only thing I saw was what I was losing; the reputation, the status, the relationship, the comfort, the friends. I didn't trust that everything would work out. All I wanted was what I thought my life was going to be like. I wanted my plan and my dreams. However, sitting in the car that night was when I realized that no matter how much I wanted my plan and my dreams to work out that they wouldn't. They wouldn't work out because they weren't His plans and His dream for me.

I look back on that night and all I remember is crying my eyes out and just wanting time to stop. For a moment, I just wanted to not worry about what was coming next and cherish what I knew was passing from my grip. The comfort, the reputation, the status, the relationship-- all of it was what I was holding onto and for just a minute longer I wanted to still have control over it. And maybe if I didn't move, life would just stay still and not move on without me.





Two years later, I'm sitting on my front porch looking at the spot we were sitting. I still feel the sting in my chest of the sadness I felt, however I'm smiling. I smile because I see not what I lost, but everything I have gained. I smile at the thought of having friends who are my rock and would do anything for me no matter what. Friends who I never, ever would've met if God hadn't closed doors in my life and lead me on His path. I smile at my parents who have given me the world and expect nothing in return. I smile at the love of my sister and brother-in-law and the happiness they radiate when they are together. I smile at the moon shining down on me telling me another amazing day has passed and that no matter what God's love is shining down on me. I smile at the inner peace that I have finally found and hope to never lose. I smile at the future, unknown to me yet I'm thankful for it already. I smile at the trials that I know I'm going to face, but with His strength I will overcome. And after all of that, I hear this quote radiating through my head:


When the world gives you 100 reasons to cry, show the world you have 1,000 reasons to smile. 








keep your head up. who knows where you'll be in two years.


stay.beautiful