Two years ago tonight, I sat outside my house in the car of my best friend. It was the night before our graduation from high school and at that moment, life was changing. I knew when I woke up the next day that I would have no control over what happened. I would walk the stage, receive my diploma, and be done with the place where I had established myself for four years. I was known by many of my peers and I was in a place that was my comfort zone. When I walked across that stage, all of that would be gone and all that remained were the memories and stories.
As we sat in the car, we assured each other that whatever was supposed to happen in our lives would. We knew that it wasn't what we had planned, or what we expected. But that whatever did happen, would be okay. In that moment, I just couldn't believe that. The only thing I saw was what I was losing; the reputation, the status, the relationship, the comfort, the friends. I didn't trust that everything would work out. All I wanted was what I thought my life was going to be like. I wanted my plan and my dreams. However, sitting in the car that night was when I realized that no matter how much I wanted my plan and my dreams to work out that they wouldn't. They wouldn't work out because they weren't His plans and His dream for me.
I look back on that night and all I remember is crying my eyes out and just wanting time to stop. For a moment, I just wanted to not worry about what was coming next and cherish what I knew was passing from my grip. The comfort, the reputation, the status, the relationship-- all of it was what I was holding onto and for just a minute longer I wanted to still have control over it. And maybe if I didn't move, life would just stay still and not move on without me.
Two years later, I'm sitting on my front porch looking at the spot we were sitting. I still feel the sting in my chest of the sadness I felt, however I'm smiling. I smile because I see not what I lost, but everything I have gained. I smile at the thought of having friends who are my rock and would do anything for me no matter what. Friends who I never, ever would've met if God hadn't closed doors in my life and lead me on His path. I smile at my parents who have given me the world and expect nothing in return. I smile at the love of my sister and brother-in-law and the happiness they radiate when they are together. I smile at the moon shining down on me telling me another amazing day has passed and that no matter what God's love is shining down on me. I smile at the inner peace that I have finally found and hope to never lose. I smile at the future, unknown to me yet I'm thankful for it already. I smile at the trials that I know I'm going to face, but with His strength I will overcome. And after all of that, I hear this quote radiating through my head:
When the world gives you 100 reasons to cry, show the world you have 1,000 reasons to smile.
keep your head up. who knows where you'll be in two years.
stay.beautiful
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