"are you scared?"

Since I was ten years old, I've dreamed about becoming a fashion designer. I dreamt of living a fast-paced life in New York city and having people read my name on the labels of their clothing. Although I always dreamed about it, I never actually believed it would happen. Why? Because:

We dream unattainable dreams. 

That's what "dream big" means, right? "Dream" about something so big that most likely you won't achieve it--but go for it anyway kid. I read a Pinterest quote one time (who am I kidding, I read them every day) that said, "If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough." I never was really scared about my dreams of being in fashion. I figured that life would get in the way and that I would end up like a lot of people do, falling and love and having my dreams change. I actually planned on settling on a dream closer to home because of where I thought my life was going to end up. However, for the past month and a half I've been filling out internship applications and sending my scrupulously perfected resume off to God-only-knows-where-NYC. It's weird when a dream of yours finally comes to a reality, or an almost-reality. At first you step back and second guess if this is really your dream. Should I have dreamt bigger? 

For some reason I feel like dreams should be unattainable and I actually thought my dream of being in the fashion industry was. I always just felt like I had this big city dream that was never going to be fulfilled-- that I was going to find a "someone" that would keep me in The Good Life and that my yearning would always be there. God is really cool though. He's cool because He puts these yearnings in our hearts so that we have some kind of inkling of His Awesome plan for us. So, although I thought my dream was unattainable, God once again came through to show me that anything really is possible within His Hands. 

So while talking with my mom about NYC and Texas, she asked me "are you scared?" I kind of laughed to myself and said "Well, yeah I'm scared. But that makes me want to go all the more." And now that I really think about it, I'm scared shitless. But that's what all the cliché things say right? My version of the Pinterest quote goes something like this, "If your dreams don't scare you shitless, then they aren't big enough." So in the end, my unattainable dreams really must be big enough and that, to me, is so beautiful. Be scared shitless, because in the end it might just end up perfectly.