simplicity.

Woah. These last few weeks have been a whirlwind of craziness--from living out of a suitcase, to being in Lincoln for only 12 hours before driving down to Texas, to sleeping on an air mattress and the craziness continues. Here's my brief overview of what's been going on the last few weeks!


On Sunday afternoon, I got back from my amazing NYC study tour (see previous post). I got back only to shower, do laundry, get a good night's sleep, pack up my car and venture down to Texas with Daddio. The 10 hour drive went by fairly fast and we got down to Fort Worth in good time on Monday night. I temporarily moved into a house with some girls from TCU for the week and spent Tuesday roaming around Fort Worth with Dad. We drove around to get a feel for the town a little bit and after a much too quick visit, he headed out to Dallas to catch an early morning flight.

The first week of work I got to go to Dallas Market which is a huge building in Dallas that has hundreds of showrooms showcasing different brands and clothing lines for buyers to come shop around in. Although it was kind of a slow market, I got to really understand the brand and the product and talk to buyers about why I'm in love with the jeans. After work, I got to hang out with some of the girls that I was living with and had so much fun. College bars down here are actually super different then the "downtown" I know of (no 'Rail' in sight....thank the Lord.) There's live music, space to actually talk to people (what?!) and a ton of really great people in general.

Here is where the title of this blog comes into play. Since I've been down here, for less than two weeks, I've already learned quite a lot. The biggest thing I've learned is the lesson of simplicity. Before I came down here, I honestly didn't really know what I was getting myself into. Heck, I didn't have a place to live for a week until about three days before I was actually here. And when I did get down here, I quickly realized that I didn't know anyone. Nor am I outgoing enough to go out and meet people--I'd rather just go read by myself at a coffee shop. However, I've come to realize that you don't need to know what's going to happen every minute of every day. You don't necessarily have to be in control of everything because the Man who created you and who loves you beyond comprehension will take care of you. As I was skyping with one of my best friends back home, I came to the realization that there's a big difference between being alone and being lonely. Being down here in Texas with no family and none of my closest friends means I'm pretty much alone, doing my own thing. However, 'lonely' is one of the farthest things away from what I am. I'm not lonely at all, even though in essence I should be. But knowing that I'm living out God's will for my life at this very moment makes me so content with where I'm at and with what I'm doing.

I have no idea where I'm going to be in a year from now, but the simple answer is that I don't need to know. He knows. And that's all that truly matters. So my prayer tonight is a thanksgiving prayer, for all of the support from my parents, my sister and brother in-law, my amazing friends and all the other people in my life who have supported all of my crazy goings-on. I am truly blessed by all of the people in my life and by a God who unceasingly loves me. I cannot wait to see what this summer entails and to learn all of the lessons it may bring.


Remember, life is really quite simple.

NYC trip (in a nutshell)

Hudson River Boat Tour 

Being a fashion design major, your one real dream is to go to New York City. NYC is where it all happens, from fashion week to major corporate headquarters; it’s the city where dreams come true. Caitlin Larwood, editorial director at makeup.com, told us that, “Dream jobs happen in this city.” Hearing that come from someone who has worked in the city for about five years and has an incredible job makes the reality of it hit home. We were going to a city where the most important events in fashion happen and I was more then ready for it.

After getting advice from some friends who have lived and worked in New York, I was ready to pack up my suitcase and get on the plane. Once we arrived, we were bused to our hotel that seemed as though it was right out of a movie. That night we did a little walking tour around the city and got to see the famous Bergdorf Goodman window displays. 

Bergdorf Goodman's Fifth Avenue Window Display

As I was walking down Fifth Avenue, I felt channeled by my inner Audrey Hepburn and now fully understood why she went and had breakfast at Tiffany’s every morning. To see this beautiful hunk of rock. 

178.54 carat Yellow Tiffany's Diamond: only worn by 2 women ever. 

A few of my favorite places that we visited were Armani, Ann Taylor, the Doneger Group and L’Oreal. When we walked into the Giorgio Armani offices, it felt like we passed through the doors to a different world.

Giorgio Armani Offices overlooking Highline Park 

Mind you, they were still doing some unpacking from moving offices, but we had entered into the Armani World. All of the people we met were in all black or all white and-oh my- they were chic. As they talked about the company, you could see the passion they had for Armani oozing out of their words. They spoke so highly about Mr. Armani and held the standards that he has set for the company so high in their own careers. It was inspiring to see people so passionate about their jobs and the company that they work for. This was evident at Ann Taylor too, however the professionals that we got to speak with here were more willing to share about their career experiences and about what they liked and didn’t like about the industry. The Doneger Group was a unique experience because it was a part of the industry that no one really knows that much about. Hannah Kimberly gave us an overview of what will be trending in Fall 2015 including colors, fabrics, shapes, etc.

Color samples at The Doneger Group

This was a very research heavy job—however very rewarding and useful to the entire industry. Finally, we went to L’Oreal where we met with the Social Media Marketing team and heard how a company keeps up with the ever-changing world of social media.

In our free time when we weren’t going to meetings, we got to go to the Met Museum (which allowed me to let out my inner Art History nerd)

Oh, just being Blair Waldorf outside the steps of the Met. 

Claude Monet, enough said. 

as well as an interesting trip on the subway to Coney Island to watch the Creighton Baseball team play in the Big East tournament (that ended up getting rained out.) 

Go Bluejays! 

 Two of ten Creighton fans....

The aftermath. 

Note: Don’t be in Brooklyn past midnight if you are four twenty-something women and don’t go past the aquarium (advice from the bartender from Iowa.) We also got to see the incredibly glamorous and hilarious Broadway show—Kinky Boots. I’m still singing along to the lyrics and wanting a pair of my own kinky boots.

Outside the Kinky Boots theatre! 

All in all, I cannot wait to go back to this wonderful city—the smells (bad and good), the chaos of cabs, the ever-moving streets full of people who don’t know you and frankly don’t really care to, and the not-so-glamorous however incredibly magical hot dog stands. I’m open to wherever life takes me, however I hope that someday I will end up back in the city where “dream jobs happen.”

Ohhh Fleet week. 

Manhattan's Elite outside the Lincoln Center Ballet theatre

The inevitable "first cab ride/roomie pic" 

Hotel overlooking Times Square

Marc Jacobs photo booth

"But first, let's take a selfie" (because we were just late to Armani.)

"are you scared?"

Since I was ten years old, I've dreamed about becoming a fashion designer. I dreamt of living a fast-paced life in New York city and having people read my name on the labels of their clothing. Although I always dreamed about it, I never actually believed it would happen. Why? Because:

We dream unattainable dreams. 

That's what "dream big" means, right? "Dream" about something so big that most likely you won't achieve it--but go for it anyway kid. I read a Pinterest quote one time (who am I kidding, I read them every day) that said, "If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough." I never was really scared about my dreams of being in fashion. I figured that life would get in the way and that I would end up like a lot of people do, falling and love and having my dreams change. I actually planned on settling on a dream closer to home because of where I thought my life was going to end up. However, for the past month and a half I've been filling out internship applications and sending my scrupulously perfected resume off to God-only-knows-where-NYC. It's weird when a dream of yours finally comes to a reality, or an almost-reality. At first you step back and second guess if this is really your dream. Should I have dreamt bigger? 

For some reason I feel like dreams should be unattainable and I actually thought my dream of being in the fashion industry was. I always just felt like I had this big city dream that was never going to be fulfilled-- that I was going to find a "someone" that would keep me in The Good Life and that my yearning would always be there. God is really cool though. He's cool because He puts these yearnings in our hearts so that we have some kind of inkling of His Awesome plan for us. So, although I thought my dream was unattainable, God once again came through to show me that anything really is possible within His Hands. 

So while talking with my mom about NYC and Texas, she asked me "are you scared?" I kind of laughed to myself and said "Well, yeah I'm scared. But that makes me want to go all the more." And now that I really think about it, I'm scared shitless. But that's what all the cliché things say right? My version of the Pinterest quote goes something like this, "If your dreams don't scare you shitless, then they aren't big enough." So in the end, my unattainable dreams really must be big enough and that, to me, is so beautiful. Be scared shitless, because in the end it might just end up perfectly. 

the everyday surrender.

For about two years now I've been giving this advice to people: whatever is supposed to happen will. And believe me, I live by that and 100% am convinced that no matter what happens in your life, that it happens for a reason. The fact that my life is out of my control actually gives me a sense of peace. Oddly enough, I don't want to be the one in control of my "destiny". I don't trust the plans I have for my life. I've tried that. It didn't work.

I guess what this post is about is that I'm learning to trust in a different way. The past two or three years my struggle has always been trusting God and trusting that everything will be okay. I'm past that and I know that there's a peace in my heart that whatever happens in life is beautiful and comes from the Higher Power that knows a lot more then I do. The struggle now is the everyday surrender. In life, we honestly don't even know what is going to happen in the next 5 minutes...let alone the next 5 years. Yes, of course you can have a plan and a goal for what you want to do but it's the day-by-day successes and failures that will get you there.

The everyday surrender -- to me -- is waking up in the morning and accepting whatever comes. Surrendering what you want and whole-heartedly wanting what God wants for you. I spent this past weekend with a friend of mine who is about to go on probably the scariest adventure of his life in a month--being deployed to Afghanistan for 9 months. However, amidst all of the uncertainty he's just accepted it. He is going to go over there and do what he has to do to come home safely. He trusts. It just puts into perspective how big God really is. How, no matter what, there's a lesson to be learned over there whether that lesson is for him to find out or for his friends and family to learn. Pray for him and all of the guys going over there.

However, in a month I will be going on a little (HUGE) adventure myself, to Malaysia and the Philippines. Am I scared? A little. Excited? You could say that. Ready to see what God has planned? Heck freaking yes. This all just fell into place and fell into my hands and usually the best things in life happen that way. Out of our control. God just knows and He knows our hearts and what they need at that certain moment. Apparently my heart needs to learn something over in Malaysia--so I'm there!

To conclude this scatter-brained post, I guess the everyday surrender is just telling yourself that everything is going to be okay. Looking outside and knowing that in this great, incredible world, God put us exactly where we are for a reason. He placed the people in our lives at the time He did to learn from them, to love them, to grow with them, and to help them. So my challenge for you (and for myself) is to just be in this moment, right now. Not to look ahead or try to chase your past again, but to look around you and the people in your life and thank God for them. There are so, so, so many amazing, beautiful things in this life--open your eyes and see them.



Be present right now, listen through the silence and always

stay.beautiful

the night before life goes on.

Two years ago tonight, I sat outside my house in the car of my best friend. It was the night before our graduation from high school and at that moment, life was changing. I knew when I woke up the next day that I would have no control over what happened. I would walk the stage, receive my diploma, and be done with the place where I had established myself for four years. I was known by many of my peers and I was in a place that was my comfort zone. When I walked across that stage, all of that would be gone and all that remained were the memories and stories.

As we sat in the car, we assured each other that whatever was supposed to happen in our lives would. We knew that it wasn't what we had planned, or what we expected. But that whatever did happen, would be okay. In that moment, I just couldn't believe that. The only thing I saw was what I was losing; the reputation, the status, the relationship, the comfort, the friends. I didn't trust that everything would work out. All I wanted was what I thought my life was going to be like. I wanted my plan and my dreams. However, sitting in the car that night was when I realized that no matter how much I wanted my plan and my dreams to work out that they wouldn't. They wouldn't work out because they weren't His plans and His dream for me.

I look back on that night and all I remember is crying my eyes out and just wanting time to stop. For a moment, I just wanted to not worry about what was coming next and cherish what I knew was passing from my grip. The comfort, the reputation, the status, the relationship-- all of it was what I was holding onto and for just a minute longer I wanted to still have control over it. And maybe if I didn't move, life would just stay still and not move on without me.





Two years later, I'm sitting on my front porch looking at the spot we were sitting. I still feel the sting in my chest of the sadness I felt, however I'm smiling. I smile because I see not what I lost, but everything I have gained. I smile at the thought of having friends who are my rock and would do anything for me no matter what. Friends who I never, ever would've met if God hadn't closed doors in my life and lead me on His path. I smile at my parents who have given me the world and expect nothing in return. I smile at the love of my sister and brother-in-law and the happiness they radiate when they are together. I smile at the moon shining down on me telling me another amazing day has passed and that no matter what God's love is shining down on me. I smile at the inner peace that I have finally found and hope to never lose. I smile at the future, unknown to me yet I'm thankful for it already. I smile at the trials that I know I'm going to face, but with His strength I will overcome. And after all of that, I hear this quote radiating through my head:


When the world gives you 100 reasons to cry, show the world you have 1,000 reasons to smile. 








keep your head up. who knows where you'll be in two years.


stay.beautiful

a trickle effect

I think one thing we all need to work on a little more is trust. Whether that is trusting others or trusting God or even trusting ourselves, we all could trust a little better. People always talk about having "trust issues" or talking about being in a relationship where their trust was broken so now they can never trust anyone again. However, I think from the beginning of time there have been "trust issues" with everyone whose ever walked the Earth. Why do I think this? Well, we humans really like to plan our lives. We like to be in control of what happens, when it happens and how it happens. And when something goes wrong with our perfect little plan, everything comes crashing down. Well, maybe it doesn't all come crashing down but sometimes it feels like that. Big or small, significant or insignificant, if something happens that is out of our control, we lose a bit of trust in "the plan" and sometimes even ourselves. In my experience (unfortunately) I lost trust in God.

The fact of the matter is, we are human. Sometimes, actually a lot of the time, we forget the fact that we don't know everything. We don't even know or have control over what is going to happen five minutes from now. Seriously...think about that. Yet, we (I) get so caught up in 5 years from now and forget that in reality I have no control over what is going to happen then. Some people might disagree with this saying "you control your own destiny" which, eh, I don't really agree with. Heck, if I control my own destiny...I'm screwed. But (yes, there's a but) the amazing thing is, we don't have to try to plan our lives because HE already has a plan that we could never even fathom.

So where does the trickle effect come in? Tonight at mass, Fr. Holdren had the best homily to explain why it's so hard to trust God sometimes (is anyone surprised he had an awesome homily? you shouldn't be.) The first reading was Ezekiel 47: 1-9, 12. In short, is this: An angel brings Ezekiel to the temple and he sees water flowing to the altar. The angel took Ezekiel around the gate where he saw water trickling from the side of the gate. The angel took him multiple times and wanted him to walk through the water. It started at his ankles, then became knee-deep, then up to his waist, and finally a river in which he couldn't walk through.

At first I didn't really get it. He's walking through a river....okay, big deal. That river? Yeah, it represents God's grace. He is constantly pouring grace over us and flooding us with His love and strength but so often we turn a blind eye to it. We turn our eyes towards the plan we have for ourselves and worldly desires that we so often think will satisfy and fulfill us. (Note: it never works.) However, if/when you trust in God with your WHOLE heart, not just part or some of the time, He will never, ever disappoint you. Sometimes, it's scary...really scary. Let me be the first one to tell you how scary trusting God is. It's not easy; it's a constant and daily struggle. But it's worth it. 

Another thing Father said was that we don't always see the effects of God's plan right away. We may not see them for a few days, months, years even. But once you do, you'll know why everything had to happen. We always try to put a time limit on things in our lives. "I'll be over this in a few weeks," or "I think it'll happen at this time" but God doesn't work from our time schedule. He works from HIS.

Know that, as cliché as it sounds, everything really does happen for a reason. Sometimes we just see the first trickle of water (of God's plan) but when the whole river is revealed we won't believe our eyes, it'll be that amazing.



Let go, let God...and always,


stay.beautiful

the real fear.

Today marks the first day of the hardest, most rewarding seasons of the year; Lent. This has always been a time of the year where we give something up: pop, TV, candy, etc. However, this year I opted for something a little bit different and my have I already felt the sacrifice. Want to know what this crazy, extravagant, super hard sacrifice is??

Yep, you guessed it. Facebook.


I'm sure some of you just rolled your eyes or let out a "come on, it's not that hard." Because that's what I thought at first too. Right after I posted a status that got 30 likes and non stop texts saying how beautiful I looked for formal I thought,"It's only 40 days, can't be that bad." Then the time came to change my password and my heart started racing, literally. I'm not kidding. I was actually scared to give up my Facebook and Twitter for 40 days. Lame, huh?

After going a day without Facebook and still catching myself trying to look for the icon on my phone, I took a step back to think about why this is really affecting me this much. It's social media for pete's sake-- it's not life or death. However, after contemplating it I think I've come to some sort of conclusion and here it is.

Detachment. is. hard.

Really hard. And I guess I never really, actually detached myself before from this kind of security blanket. Facebook--in this situation-- is all of my fears, all of my insecurities, all of my masks to make sure everyone knows how great of a life I am having. It's constantly in their face and I can make myself out to be whomever I want them to think that I am. (Note: I'm not anyone different then who I am on my Facebook, that's not what I'm trying to say.) But when someone says they are trying to work on humility, this is definitely the way to do it. People won't know about what's going on in your life unless they interact with you and experience it with you. People won't be able to boost your ego by liking your pictures or statuses or retweeting your tweet that was stolen from song lyrics. This, my friends, is delaying gratification to a "T".

I thought that I had let go and given my hopes and dreams and desires up to God. I thought that I let go of my fears of the future, fears of being forgotten, fears of not ever being good enough. I thought all of that was behind me and that it had all gone away. Goes to show, it's a lot easier to think that you've let things go when you've actually just become really good at shoving them underneath your pillow.

The great thing is that the harder Lent is for you, the greater Easter will be. My amazing high school Guidance Counselor, Jan Frayser, once said to me, "You can't have the hope of the Resurrection without the struggle of the cross." Those words will never cease to bring a smile to my face. This cross and life we have right here, no matter what happens in it there will always be the hope of the Resurrection. So although I have a lot of detachments to rid myself of during this next 40 days, I have so much hope that God will overwhelm my heart with His love and blow my mind like He always seems to do.

"Whoever wishes to be my follower must deny his very self, take up his cross, and follow in my steps."
Lk 9:23


Go count your blessings, never give up hope, and always


stay.beautiful