forgiveness.

Wow, I haven't been here for a while. Just a fair warning: this is probably going to be super long. Stop reading now if you don't have another 20 minutes to give me. Just kidding, don't stop reading. But I'm pretty serious about the length. :)

I've been thinking about this blog a lot lately. What I would say on my next post, who I want to see it, what message I want to get across to all my fellow bloggers, and non bloggers. The following words are what I've been pondering in my heart now for a while. So I think that it's time to finally get them down on paper...or computer. The title of this blog is simple: forgiveness. But holy crap, it might be the most difficult thing I've ever encountered; yet, I can't figure out why. My whole life I've been able to forgive people for things they have done to me. I've never been one to hold grudges and I commend myself for that. It's so easy to hold a grudge against someone and not forgive them for what they've done to you.

Side note: This weekend I went on a retreat called Koinonia. If you've never gone...GO! Seriously, it's the most amazing way to get away from the real world for a weekend and such a relaxing place to just figure out what is going on in your life. Last year, I went on a retreat just like it at this time. Amongst many, many things going on in my life, it was an awesome opportunity to surrender to God and really listen to what He was saying to me.
 
So on this retreat, I honestly didn't have anything to really think about (or so I thought.) Life has been going pretty good and I've just been trucking along through school, G-Phi, work, friends, family, etc. A few things have randomly come up that have thrown me off a little, but I haven't let them affect me and my prayer life has been at a really good place. But that was just the thing. All I was doing was going with the flow of things, not really knowing where I was going to. I realized that, not once, have I sat down and really thought about what God wanted for my life. I knew that what I had planned for my life what most definitely not what God had planned and I've finally come to peace with that. Now, I know what He doesn't want for me...but what DOES He want for me? I haven't yet figured that out. But over the next 54 (or so) days, I'm going to hopefully figure it out.

But back to the forgiveness thing. One thing I've been telling myself literally over, and over, and over, and over again is to "let go." Let go of anything in the way of my relationship with God. Let go of the past, it doesn't define you. Let go of anything that destroys your inner peace. Yada yada yada. What I've finally discovered (with God's help of course) is that to actually let go, to really have that inner peace that I've so long desired, I MUST forgive. And that scares the crap out of me. Forgive? Seriously? The past is in the past, let's keep it there, right? Wrong. I may tell myself to keep it there, but until I surrender my fears and hopes to God and forgive those (that one) that hurt me, I'm never going to be able to really, truly, let go. I read a quote, "God pushes us to love those we don't like." And how true is that. I'm not using this post to tell anyone that I've forgiven them, because I haven't yet. But I just want you guys to know that forgiveness may be one of the hardest things in life, but it is for sure one of the most amazing ways we can free ourselves and finally let go.

My challenge to you: embrace everything you have today, for you may not have it tomorrow. Forgive those who have hurt you, you will become freer than you've ever been. And finally, most importantly, never forget that you are worth it. Seriously. Every time you walk into mass and receive Jesus Christ in the Eucharist, He is telling you that you are worth it. You have to believe it yourself.

"If You want it Jesus, I want it too."
-Blessed Chiara

Remember you are worth it, forgive your enemies, and always

stay.beautiful

for auld lang syne.

today appears to be the last day of the year that changed my life..or rather the year that my life changed. I would like to take a few minutes to recollect the amazing things that have happened in 2011 and share my hope for myself and everyone else in 2012. 

   In March of 2011, I permanently marked my side with the words, "Let go. Let God." I want this to serve as a reminder to myself and everyone who sees it to stop trying to plan your lives and to let God handle them. We have no idea what our lives have in store for us and who are we to plan it? Even though I learned the hard way, I know that God has so many more blessings in store for me in 2012 and I cannot wait for Him to manifest his wondrous plans for my life. 

   I officially graduated Pius X High School as an Honor Graduate and finished my high school career with a 4.0. A few weeks after graduating I set off to cross another big thing off my bucket list, visit Europe. I travelled with my amazing aunt and three best friends and couldn't have asked for a better way to transition into my new life as a college freshman. Also in May, I got the most amazing job ever at the most loved shop in Lincoln, Euphoria. I would have never thought that my workplace would be my safe haven from the stressful world of school work and what not, but it is. I couldn't be more thankful to have met all of the girls I work with and the every day encounters with each and every customer make me feel like I'm making a difference in the Euphoria world. I have come to learn so much more about myself, others, and the amazing world around us and I couldn't ask for a better job. 

   In August, I joined the most amazing sorority ever, Gamma Phi Beta. The very first day of rush, I met the woman who has been my role model ever since then, Mallory Vogt. She is one of my best friends and I'm so blessed to have met you, Mal. Also during rush, I met my best friend and future bridesmaid, Taylor Ehrman. I could go on and on about this girl but all I will say is, Taylor, thank you for saving me. I love you to the moon and back and there and back. You are truly my best friend and I can't wait to see where we both end up in life. Jessica Bullington  (and her Jesus hugs) has also changed my life and I couldn't ask for better girlfriends than these two girls. Jess, your faith and strength amaze me every day and your smile is so contagious. Julia McCormick, thank you for being the best mom I could ever ask for and for challenging me to grow in my faith each and every day. I'm so thankful for every single girl in Gamma Phi Beta and each and every one of you girls has made an impact on my life. 

   To add on to this amazing year, my sister got engaged to the greatest guy in the world (besides my daddy) Brian Callan. I can't wait to have him as my brother and Brian, thank you for coming into our lives. 

   Last but not least, my parents have been the most amazing role models I could ever ask for. My dad's strength, will, determination, and generosity never cease to amaze me. He is the most caring, loving, hard-working guy I've ever met and he holds Kelly and I to those standards as well. Thank you for that pops. My mom's faith shines through every single day and I can feel her prayers surround me even when I am away at school. I feel so proud to come home to the family these two people have established and I hope that one day my children are as thankful for me as I am for you guys. 

Lord, 

   A lot of things happened in 2011, to say the least. Many crosses came my way and I would never have been able to carry them without Your constant love for me. I realize now that every time a door closes, You are right around the corner with something even more amazing. Thank you for everything You've given me in 2011. I pray that in 2012, I do Your will for me, whatever that may be. Help me to make an impact on each and every person that I meet and to never stop loving with my whole heart. Lord, help me to Let go, and let You take over my life. 

Happy New Year everyone. 

Reflect, relax, let go, and always

stay.beautiful 

so blessed

so blessed doesn't begin to describe my life at this point. everyday I wake up there is something or someone in my life that makes me appreciate everything I've been through and everyone I've encountered. Yes, at times I have a minor relapse and start getting sad or upset about certain things and looking at what others have in envy. But then I go into church, and I'm all of the sudden okay. I have Him. who else matters? Hunter Hayes says it perfectly in his song called, Faith to Fall Back On, when he says, "Every night I say the same old prayer. God I don't have to see You. I know that You're there." It's crazy how many twists and turns life may take. I'm so grateful that I'm getting to rekindle friendships that were lost in high school and I am beyond thankful for all the new ones I've made these past few months. I feel like every time I blog I just talk about how great and wonderful God is and how He has worked wonders in my life but it is true and I don't think that I can say it enough.
   The other day I was told by my amazing pastor at my church, "Pray for a calm, peaceful heart this Christmas. You are so beautiful, Hannah. Look at all the people around you that love you and live in this present moment." I need to do that. Tonight, on this winter Solstice, I give up all my worries, my hopes, my fears, my dreams, my ambitions, and my insecurities to God and the universe. I pray that 2012 will manifest an amazing new beginning for me and that I keep on keeping on. I am so thankful for the past, but that's what it is; the past. I have no idea what my life has in store for me but I trust God with my whole heart and I can't wait to see where I will end up.

Lord,
   Tonight, just like any night, I thank You for all You've given me. I'm so unworthy of this beautiful life and I can't tell You how much I am so thankful for it. I want to give up all of my triumphs and failures to You because I know you will make them glorify You. My desire on this earth is to do Your will. Help me to manifest Your will for my life in 2012 and to never stop smiling, never stop being positive, and to never stop adoring You.


Keep on keeping on, meditate on His love for you, and always

stay.beautiful

a thankful message.

Today I got the amazing opportunity to reflect on all the amazing things that I am thankful for in my life. Now, more than ever, I have been reflecting on the multitude of positive things and people in my life. When I walk outside in the morning, I instantly thank God for all the gifts He has poured upon me this past year. I have the most amazing family in the entire world and I have no idea where I would be without them. I am so thankful and am so blessed with so many things in my life. I found the most amazing group of girls on UNL's campus and I cannot express how happy and blessed I am to be a part of the greatest sorority house ever. I've found my best friends there and I hope they know how happy I am that each and every one of them came into my life.
   Most of all, I am thankful for my faith. Without it, I would be nowhere. Each and every day I wake up, I can't help but see God in everything. In the trees, in the people passing me, in the hard times, at the Newman Center. He's everywhere and I am beyond thankful for that.


Lord,
   This past year was definitely a roller coaster ride, but I would never be where I am on the ride without You. Thank You for never giving up on me and for always fighting for me. I realize that when one door closes, You always let another one open and You've opened so many doors for me. The words, "Thank you" do not even come close to expressing my gratitude for You.
   Help me, Lord, to never forget Your love for me. Help me to be satisfied with You, and You alone. Fill my heart with Your love and remember, always remember, how thankful I am for You.


Breathe in some fresh air, be thankful, and always

stay.beautiful

learning to be satisfied

Be Satisfied with Me

by St. Anthony of Padua

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But to a Christian, God says, "No, not until you are satisfied,
Fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me.
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.

Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship,
That I have planned for you.
You will never be united to another
Until you are united with Me.
Exclusive of anyone or anything else.
Exclusive of any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, to stop wishing, and allow Me to give you
The most thrilling plan existing . . . one you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you.

You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.
Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you.
Just wait, that's all. Don't be anxious, don't worry
Don't look around at things others have gotten
Or that I have given them
Don't look around at the things you think you want,
Just keep looking off and away up to Me,
Or you'll miss what I want to show you.
And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love
Far more wonderful than you could dream of.

You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready,
I am working even at this moment
To have both of you ready at the same time.
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me
And the life I prepared for you,
You won't be able to experience the love that exemplified your relationship with Me.
And this is perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love,
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me.
And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with Myself.
Know that I love you utterly. I AM God.
Believe it and be satisfied

and she whispered...

(it's my birthday). in the silence of my own bedroom in my own bed I sit down to write. What a perfect place to do it, yet what an extremely different feeling after 3 months of being away. I think of all the memories here: in this house, in this room. Three months ago, I couldn't deal with it all. Yet now, I have dealt with it, and moved on. Those words seemed impossible yet I finally let my guard down, and let God take control of my life.
     Why is it so hard for us to just let go? Let go of everything and let God handle it. It's so easy to say, Let go.  Let God. It's so easy to have it tattooed on your side (my side :) ) yet it's so hard to just do. Well, once you do it, you feel such an overwhelming amount of grace and compassion. God has worked wonders in my life and continues to every day. I am beyond thankful for everything right now and I couldn't ask for a better life. Yes, there are some rough days. But at the end of the day, it takes me hours to count my blessings.
    Thank you, Lord, for everything You've done in my life.



Count your blessings, then count them again, and always

stay.beautiful

do it anyway.

I saw a quote from Mother Teresa today, I thought I would share:
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.


The past few weeks I've been overwhelmed with the goings on of my new college life. Everything happening on campus has kept me very busy. I feel like I haven't gotten any time to just sit down and think. Tonight, on my way to a holy hour, I had a talk with myself. I've met many people at the University and I love how I can just start over. No one knows my story, my past, or my future. I get to create how I want people to see me and who I am here at UNL. I've met a ton of new people who I feel as though I will be life-long friends with. But I realized how scared I am to open myself up to someone again. If I hold back my emotions, maybe I won't get hurt. I didn't realize how scared I am to get hurt again. Something that I tell myself every day is to "keep moving forward." No matter what. No matter what gets in your way, who gets in your way, keep moving forward. This is your life, and God isn't going to give you a life you aren't strong enough to live. So even if you know the outcome, even if you might get hurt. Even if your heart is going to get broken, love anyway. Because the only thing in life worth living for is love. Love of self, love of God, and love of others. 


P.S And to the one who broke my heart, thank you. I wouldn't have gotten this strong without loving that much. And even though I know I might get hurt again, I'm going to love anyway.




Forgive someone, forgive yourself, and always,


stay.beautiful