my prayer to You

Dear God,

    As I begin this new chapter in my life, I have been so caught up in all of it that I haven't sat down and thanked You. Lord, last night I listened to people whose lives you have changed purely by loving them. Multiple times I heard, "God is Love" and I was surrounded by an entire auditorium of college students who believe that with their whole hearts. Just being in this room gave me goosebumps because I knew it was because of You that all these people were gathered there. 

    Through all the changes in my life, one thing has stayed constant and that is Your love for me. Whether I'm on a God-high and going to mass everyday or I'm feeling separated from You, I know Your love for me will never end. Lord, help me love You the same way you love me. Agape. I trust You Lord, and even though it is hard, it gets easier every day. You never cease to amaze me through Your works in my life. 

Amen.

Be thankful, sit in silence, and always

stay.beautiful

    

a new outlook

A lot of things have been happening recently that have caused me to take a step back from my life and ponder things. I guess that's what this blog is all about, writing about the things I have learned from these such times. It's hard not to take a step back and think about the past while I pack up my room, and my life pretty much, to move into the dorms for college. I've come across a lot of old pictures and writings and more pictures, that remind me of the years I spent at Pius. What an amazing four years I just spent of my life. I look back on high school and it just makes me smile. If you would've asked me to do that a week ago, I wouldn't have had the same reaction. It was hard to look back at high school (and my relationship) and actually be happy that it happened. I said to myself many times, "If it was going to end like this, why did it even happen?" Unfortunately, those words even came out of my mouth as I was talking to my second sister Brit. The words she came back with stuck in my head for the rest of the night. She said, "I think it happened because it taught you how to love someone that much." I look back on it now and hit myself in the head. Duh...
     I said in my last blog that it felt like the love between two people just disappeared and I still think that it feels that way but I know that isn't the truth. The past few days I've come to realize that love never ceases to exist between two people. It may not show itself as vividly, but I refuse to believe that if you have truly loved someone with all your heart, that that love just goes away. A lady I work with told me, "Instead of being sad or upset about someone or something, send blessings their way." I think in any circumstance, that is the key thing. As hard as it is, be happy for that person. So wherever you are, I am sending blessings your way. You deserve all the happiness in the world and I hope life treats you exceptionally well.
    I've learned to never try and plan your life, that's His job. And whether you believe it or not, everything will always work out according to His plan. So right now, I am putting all my trust in the Big Guy. He knows what He's doing.


Say a prayer, never stop loving, and always

stay.beautiful

where to begin..

It has literally been forever since the last time I was on here. Which is funny because I think in the last month, I've learned so many lessons about the world, other people, and myself, and just haven't had any time to document them. But don't worry, I won't write them all on this one post. Hopefully, I will get back into the swing of things and blog more often.
  
    This summer has been an interesting one to say the least. It's the first summer in about five years that I've actually been "on my own" and I'm taking it day by day. A word that has come up a little more than I'd like in the past few months has been the word, "change." I was never afraid of this word, nor did it ever have much of an effect on me. It was always just an inevitable process that was going to happen to everyone, including me. I guess I just never knew to what level of degree that word was going to have on my life. I've seen it take it's toll on many people's lives, including my family and friends and honestly, never thought twice about it. But now it seems as though I cannot escape it. Even though I want to run and hide in my basement all by myself and shut out all the worries about the future, the emotion between two people that has seemed to completely disappear, the pain the last 7 months has caused, and everything that is changing in my life. I just want to shut it all out and hide. Yet, I know that running away from my troubles is not what I was raised to do. I was raised to confront them, and deal with them whether I wanted to or not.
    The thing is, is that I'm sick of dealing with everything. I'm so sick of having it all shoved in my face and breaking down right when I think that I'm strong. But I've learned that all the cliches in life are true. When life gives you one hundred reasons to cry, show life you have a thousand reasons to smile. So the next few days, I'm going to be looking for my reasons. My task for you, find yours too.

Sing in the shower, make some cookies, and always

stay.beautiful

before i go...

Well, tomorrow I officially leave for my European adventure. I thought I would do one last post before I go, so here it is. In the past few days, I've realized a lot about myself and my relationships with others. I've started to realize how much of life is giving and how much of life is receiving. The two go hand in hand with each other. Most of the time when I give someone something or give someone myself, I don't ask for or expect anything in return. Which I think is the way everyone should do things, never expecting anything in return. Yet, it must go both ways. Others should respect you enough to give back to you what you have given them or anything in return for that matter.
   Another thing I've been thinking about a lot lately is this thing called unconditional love. I've heard it over and over again in Religion class and various other places, but never sat down and thought about it. How important this kind of love is in any relationship whether it be with your parents, your friends, a boyfriend or girlfriend, or with God. This must be the only type of love in which you give to others. If you care enough for someone to tell them you love them and really mean it, you must love them under any conditions. I've noticed lately how that doesn't always happen, as much as we would like to think it does. These past few days, weeks and months to come I am going to be searching for and learning a lot of new things about myself that I never knew existed. You are the only one who can love yourself unconditionally at every moment of every day.
     So if anyone is reading this, thank you for that. Keep us all in your prayers as we travel throughout Europe and keep me in your prayers as I go on a journey of self-discovery.



Eat a crepe, draw a picture, and always

stay.beautiful

a few random thoughts

The last few months for me have been filled with this search to find who I really am, and who I want to become the next few years in college. I've been trying to figure out what really makes me happy in life and I've been trying to so just that, be happy. Don't stop reading! I promise this isn't another one of those "I'm searching for happiness" cliche stories( Or at least I hope it isn't.) But I've realized that I have been looking outside of myself to try and find it. I'm currently reading the book Eat, Pray, Love which is fitting because I leave for Europe on Friday. In reading it, I have come to see that the path to happiness doesn't lie with other people. Happiness may come from being around other people but it must ultimately stem from you. After a long few months of sadness and a feeling of being lost, I know I'm going to be more than okay. Whatever is supposed to happen will happen in Gods time. As Father said in the homily last Sunday, " There can be no Resurrection without the suffering of the cross."


Random thought: This past week I have been to two funerals. One was for an older man who served in Vietnam and lived a long, good life. He was married for 63 years. I bet you're thinking " Holy crap, 63 years?! " because I thought the same thing. The second funeral I went to this week was for a friend of ours who was diagnosed with lung cancer in November. He was only 51 years old and accepted his death with such holiness and grace.
When I was younger I would always tell myself I wanted to make a difference in the world. I wanted to impact someone in a way that they would never forget me. I think everyone thinks this in their lives. Mr. Grosserode in your last few weeks here on Earth with us, you taught many people how to accept God's will for them. Help me to remember that it is not mine, but His will to be done. And help me to accept whatever comes my way with the humility and grace in which you did. RIP.

Be happy, say a prayer, and always

stay.beautiful

be silent, and listen.

The hardest thing for me to do, yet the thing I believe I am best at, is listening to people. I love just listening to people's stories. I was walking downtown the other day and saw a homeless man and was so drawn to just go and start talking to him and listen to his story. As the logical side of my brain kicked in and said, "That may not be very safe," I never went and talked to him. But how often do we really sit down and listen to what people are saying? Do we really hear them, or do we just listen?
     I've realized with graduation coming up, that I haven't listened to what a lot of people told me in high school. Obviously there are no regrets, but it makes me wonder what would have happened if I really got to know all of my classmates' stories. If I took the time to actually hear what they have been saying to me the past four years, spoken or unspoken. And I think the unspoken words are the ones with the most meaning. We all, me included, have so much going on inside our heads that sometimes the things we feel mean the most to us are the words we don't speak. So my challenge to you today, and everyday, is to listen to the unspoken word. And I am going to do the same. Don't just listen to people, hear what they are saying. Next time you are downtown, don't pass by the homeless man like I did. Utter a, "Hello" or a "I hope you are having a good day." If you are really daring, ask about his story. You might be surprised as to what lessons you can learn.

Smell a rose, donate something, and always,

stay.beautiful

inner peace

Someone told me today to "find your inner peace." I thought about it and asked myself why I hadn't thought about that. Where there is turmoil, peace is just around the corner waiting for you to find it. I've realized that change is inevitable. Whether we like it or not, change is a part of life. Yet, the true judge of character is how you handle it.
    I've been so wrapped up in the major changes going on in my life, that I have lost the peace that I had within myself. I've challenged myself from here on out to always meditate on the inner peace I have within myself, and if it's not there, I must find it. My challenge to anyone reading this blog (if there is anyone) is to find your inner peace. So when change shows its ugly, or pretty, face, you can willingly accept it with your whole heart. Always know that God has a plan for you.

Smile at a stranger, recycle, and always,

stay.beautiful