for auld lang syne.

today appears to be the last day of the year that changed my life..or rather the year that my life changed. I would like to take a few minutes to recollect the amazing things that have happened in 2011 and share my hope for myself and everyone else in 2012. 

   In March of 2011, I permanently marked my side with the words, "Let go. Let God." I want this to serve as a reminder to myself and everyone who sees it to stop trying to plan your lives and to let God handle them. We have no idea what our lives have in store for us and who are we to plan it? Even though I learned the hard way, I know that God has so many more blessings in store for me in 2012 and I cannot wait for Him to manifest his wondrous plans for my life. 

   I officially graduated Pius X High School as an Honor Graduate and finished my high school career with a 4.0. A few weeks after graduating I set off to cross another big thing off my bucket list, visit Europe. I travelled with my amazing aunt and three best friends and couldn't have asked for a better way to transition into my new life as a college freshman. Also in May, I got the most amazing job ever at the most loved shop in Lincoln, Euphoria. I would have never thought that my workplace would be my safe haven from the stressful world of school work and what not, but it is. I couldn't be more thankful to have met all of the girls I work with and the every day encounters with each and every customer make me feel like I'm making a difference in the Euphoria world. I have come to learn so much more about myself, others, and the amazing world around us and I couldn't ask for a better job. 

   In August, I joined the most amazing sorority ever, Gamma Phi Beta. The very first day of rush, I met the woman who has been my role model ever since then, Mallory Vogt. She is one of my best friends and I'm so blessed to have met you, Mal. Also during rush, I met my best friend and future bridesmaid, Taylor Ehrman. I could go on and on about this girl but all I will say is, Taylor, thank you for saving me. I love you to the moon and back and there and back. You are truly my best friend and I can't wait to see where we both end up in life. Jessica Bullington  (and her Jesus hugs) has also changed my life and I couldn't ask for better girlfriends than these two girls. Jess, your faith and strength amaze me every day and your smile is so contagious. Julia McCormick, thank you for being the best mom I could ever ask for and for challenging me to grow in my faith each and every day. I'm so thankful for every single girl in Gamma Phi Beta and each and every one of you girls has made an impact on my life. 

   To add on to this amazing year, my sister got engaged to the greatest guy in the world (besides my daddy) Brian Callan. I can't wait to have him as my brother and Brian, thank you for coming into our lives. 

   Last but not least, my parents have been the most amazing role models I could ever ask for. My dad's strength, will, determination, and generosity never cease to amaze me. He is the most caring, loving, hard-working guy I've ever met and he holds Kelly and I to those standards as well. Thank you for that pops. My mom's faith shines through every single day and I can feel her prayers surround me even when I am away at school. I feel so proud to come home to the family these two people have established and I hope that one day my children are as thankful for me as I am for you guys. 

Lord, 

   A lot of things happened in 2011, to say the least. Many crosses came my way and I would never have been able to carry them without Your constant love for me. I realize now that every time a door closes, You are right around the corner with something even more amazing. Thank you for everything You've given me in 2011. I pray that in 2012, I do Your will for me, whatever that may be. Help me to make an impact on each and every person that I meet and to never stop loving with my whole heart. Lord, help me to Let go, and let You take over my life. 

Happy New Year everyone. 

Reflect, relax, let go, and always

stay.beautiful 

so blessed

so blessed doesn't begin to describe my life at this point. everyday I wake up there is something or someone in my life that makes me appreciate everything I've been through and everyone I've encountered. Yes, at times I have a minor relapse and start getting sad or upset about certain things and looking at what others have in envy. But then I go into church, and I'm all of the sudden okay. I have Him. who else matters? Hunter Hayes says it perfectly in his song called, Faith to Fall Back On, when he says, "Every night I say the same old prayer. God I don't have to see You. I know that You're there." It's crazy how many twists and turns life may take. I'm so grateful that I'm getting to rekindle friendships that were lost in high school and I am beyond thankful for all the new ones I've made these past few months. I feel like every time I blog I just talk about how great and wonderful God is and how He has worked wonders in my life but it is true and I don't think that I can say it enough.
   The other day I was told by my amazing pastor at my church, "Pray for a calm, peaceful heart this Christmas. You are so beautiful, Hannah. Look at all the people around you that love you and live in this present moment." I need to do that. Tonight, on this winter Solstice, I give up all my worries, my hopes, my fears, my dreams, my ambitions, and my insecurities to God and the universe. I pray that 2012 will manifest an amazing new beginning for me and that I keep on keeping on. I am so thankful for the past, but that's what it is; the past. I have no idea what my life has in store for me but I trust God with my whole heart and I can't wait to see where I will end up.

Lord,
   Tonight, just like any night, I thank You for all You've given me. I'm so unworthy of this beautiful life and I can't tell You how much I am so thankful for it. I want to give up all of my triumphs and failures to You because I know you will make them glorify You. My desire on this earth is to do Your will. Help me to manifest Your will for my life in 2012 and to never stop smiling, never stop being positive, and to never stop adoring You.


Keep on keeping on, meditate on His love for you, and always

stay.beautiful

a thankful message.

Today I got the amazing opportunity to reflect on all the amazing things that I am thankful for in my life. Now, more than ever, I have been reflecting on the multitude of positive things and people in my life. When I walk outside in the morning, I instantly thank God for all the gifts He has poured upon me this past year. I have the most amazing family in the entire world and I have no idea where I would be without them. I am so thankful and am so blessed with so many things in my life. I found the most amazing group of girls on UNL's campus and I cannot express how happy and blessed I am to be a part of the greatest sorority house ever. I've found my best friends there and I hope they know how happy I am that each and every one of them came into my life.
   Most of all, I am thankful for my faith. Without it, I would be nowhere. Each and every day I wake up, I can't help but see God in everything. In the trees, in the people passing me, in the hard times, at the Newman Center. He's everywhere and I am beyond thankful for that.


Lord,
   This past year was definitely a roller coaster ride, but I would never be where I am on the ride without You. Thank You for never giving up on me and for always fighting for me. I realize that when one door closes, You always let another one open and You've opened so many doors for me. The words, "Thank you" do not even come close to expressing my gratitude for You.
   Help me, Lord, to never forget Your love for me. Help me to be satisfied with You, and You alone. Fill my heart with Your love and remember, always remember, how thankful I am for You.


Breathe in some fresh air, be thankful, and always

stay.beautiful

learning to be satisfied

Be Satisfied with Me

by St. Anthony of Padua

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But to a Christian, God says, "No, not until you are satisfied,
Fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me.
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.

Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship,
That I have planned for you.
You will never be united to another
Until you are united with Me.
Exclusive of anyone or anything else.
Exclusive of any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, to stop wishing, and allow Me to give you
The most thrilling plan existing . . . one you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you.

You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.
Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you.
Just wait, that's all. Don't be anxious, don't worry
Don't look around at things others have gotten
Or that I have given them
Don't look around at the things you think you want,
Just keep looking off and away up to Me,
Or you'll miss what I want to show you.
And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love
Far more wonderful than you could dream of.

You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready,
I am working even at this moment
To have both of you ready at the same time.
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me
And the life I prepared for you,
You won't be able to experience the love that exemplified your relationship with Me.
And this is perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love,
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me.
And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with Myself.
Know that I love you utterly. I AM God.
Believe it and be satisfied

and she whispered...

(it's my birthday). in the silence of my own bedroom in my own bed I sit down to write. What a perfect place to do it, yet what an extremely different feeling after 3 months of being away. I think of all the memories here: in this house, in this room. Three months ago, I couldn't deal with it all. Yet now, I have dealt with it, and moved on. Those words seemed impossible yet I finally let my guard down, and let God take control of my life.
     Why is it so hard for us to just let go? Let go of everything and let God handle it. It's so easy to say, Let go.  Let God. It's so easy to have it tattooed on your side (my side :) ) yet it's so hard to just do. Well, once you do it, you feel such an overwhelming amount of grace and compassion. God has worked wonders in my life and continues to every day. I am beyond thankful for everything right now and I couldn't ask for a better life. Yes, there are some rough days. But at the end of the day, it takes me hours to count my blessings.
    Thank you, Lord, for everything You've done in my life.



Count your blessings, then count them again, and always

stay.beautiful

do it anyway.

I saw a quote from Mother Teresa today, I thought I would share:
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.


The past few weeks I've been overwhelmed with the goings on of my new college life. Everything happening on campus has kept me very busy. I feel like I haven't gotten any time to just sit down and think. Tonight, on my way to a holy hour, I had a talk with myself. I've met many people at the University and I love how I can just start over. No one knows my story, my past, or my future. I get to create how I want people to see me and who I am here at UNL. I've met a ton of new people who I feel as though I will be life-long friends with. But I realized how scared I am to open myself up to someone again. If I hold back my emotions, maybe I won't get hurt. I didn't realize how scared I am to get hurt again. Something that I tell myself every day is to "keep moving forward." No matter what. No matter what gets in your way, who gets in your way, keep moving forward. This is your life, and God isn't going to give you a life you aren't strong enough to live. So even if you know the outcome, even if you might get hurt. Even if your heart is going to get broken, love anyway. Because the only thing in life worth living for is love. Love of self, love of God, and love of others. 


P.S And to the one who broke my heart, thank you. I wouldn't have gotten this strong without loving that much. And even though I know I might get hurt again, I'm going to love anyway.




Forgive someone, forgive yourself, and always,


stay.beautiful

my prayer to You

Dear God,

    As I begin this new chapter in my life, I have been so caught up in all of it that I haven't sat down and thanked You. Lord, last night I listened to people whose lives you have changed purely by loving them. Multiple times I heard, "God is Love" and I was surrounded by an entire auditorium of college students who believe that with their whole hearts. Just being in this room gave me goosebumps because I knew it was because of You that all these people were gathered there. 

    Through all the changes in my life, one thing has stayed constant and that is Your love for me. Whether I'm on a God-high and going to mass everyday or I'm feeling separated from You, I know Your love for me will never end. Lord, help me love You the same way you love me. Agape. I trust You Lord, and even though it is hard, it gets easier every day. You never cease to amaze me through Your works in my life. 

Amen.

Be thankful, sit in silence, and always

stay.beautiful

    

a new outlook

A lot of things have been happening recently that have caused me to take a step back from my life and ponder things. I guess that's what this blog is all about, writing about the things I have learned from these such times. It's hard not to take a step back and think about the past while I pack up my room, and my life pretty much, to move into the dorms for college. I've come across a lot of old pictures and writings and more pictures, that remind me of the years I spent at Pius. What an amazing four years I just spent of my life. I look back on high school and it just makes me smile. If you would've asked me to do that a week ago, I wouldn't have had the same reaction. It was hard to look back at high school (and my relationship) and actually be happy that it happened. I said to myself many times, "If it was going to end like this, why did it even happen?" Unfortunately, those words even came out of my mouth as I was talking to my second sister Brit. The words she came back with stuck in my head for the rest of the night. She said, "I think it happened because it taught you how to love someone that much." I look back on it now and hit myself in the head. Duh...
     I said in my last blog that it felt like the love between two people just disappeared and I still think that it feels that way but I know that isn't the truth. The past few days I've come to realize that love never ceases to exist between two people. It may not show itself as vividly, but I refuse to believe that if you have truly loved someone with all your heart, that that love just goes away. A lady I work with told me, "Instead of being sad or upset about someone or something, send blessings their way." I think in any circumstance, that is the key thing. As hard as it is, be happy for that person. So wherever you are, I am sending blessings your way. You deserve all the happiness in the world and I hope life treats you exceptionally well.
    I've learned to never try and plan your life, that's His job. And whether you believe it or not, everything will always work out according to His plan. So right now, I am putting all my trust in the Big Guy. He knows what He's doing.


Say a prayer, never stop loving, and always

stay.beautiful

where to begin..

It has literally been forever since the last time I was on here. Which is funny because I think in the last month, I've learned so many lessons about the world, other people, and myself, and just haven't had any time to document them. But don't worry, I won't write them all on this one post. Hopefully, I will get back into the swing of things and blog more often.
  
    This summer has been an interesting one to say the least. It's the first summer in about five years that I've actually been "on my own" and I'm taking it day by day. A word that has come up a little more than I'd like in the past few months has been the word, "change." I was never afraid of this word, nor did it ever have much of an effect on me. It was always just an inevitable process that was going to happen to everyone, including me. I guess I just never knew to what level of degree that word was going to have on my life. I've seen it take it's toll on many people's lives, including my family and friends and honestly, never thought twice about it. But now it seems as though I cannot escape it. Even though I want to run and hide in my basement all by myself and shut out all the worries about the future, the emotion between two people that has seemed to completely disappear, the pain the last 7 months has caused, and everything that is changing in my life. I just want to shut it all out and hide. Yet, I know that running away from my troubles is not what I was raised to do. I was raised to confront them, and deal with them whether I wanted to or not.
    The thing is, is that I'm sick of dealing with everything. I'm so sick of having it all shoved in my face and breaking down right when I think that I'm strong. But I've learned that all the cliches in life are true. When life gives you one hundred reasons to cry, show life you have a thousand reasons to smile. So the next few days, I'm going to be looking for my reasons. My task for you, find yours too.

Sing in the shower, make some cookies, and always

stay.beautiful

before i go...

Well, tomorrow I officially leave for my European adventure. I thought I would do one last post before I go, so here it is. In the past few days, I've realized a lot about myself and my relationships with others. I've started to realize how much of life is giving and how much of life is receiving. The two go hand in hand with each other. Most of the time when I give someone something or give someone myself, I don't ask for or expect anything in return. Which I think is the way everyone should do things, never expecting anything in return. Yet, it must go both ways. Others should respect you enough to give back to you what you have given them or anything in return for that matter.
   Another thing I've been thinking about a lot lately is this thing called unconditional love. I've heard it over and over again in Religion class and various other places, but never sat down and thought about it. How important this kind of love is in any relationship whether it be with your parents, your friends, a boyfriend or girlfriend, or with God. This must be the only type of love in which you give to others. If you care enough for someone to tell them you love them and really mean it, you must love them under any conditions. I've noticed lately how that doesn't always happen, as much as we would like to think it does. These past few days, weeks and months to come I am going to be searching for and learning a lot of new things about myself that I never knew existed. You are the only one who can love yourself unconditionally at every moment of every day.
     So if anyone is reading this, thank you for that. Keep us all in your prayers as we travel throughout Europe and keep me in your prayers as I go on a journey of self-discovery.



Eat a crepe, draw a picture, and always

stay.beautiful

a few random thoughts

The last few months for me have been filled with this search to find who I really am, and who I want to become the next few years in college. I've been trying to figure out what really makes me happy in life and I've been trying to so just that, be happy. Don't stop reading! I promise this isn't another one of those "I'm searching for happiness" cliche stories( Or at least I hope it isn't.) But I've realized that I have been looking outside of myself to try and find it. I'm currently reading the book Eat, Pray, Love which is fitting because I leave for Europe on Friday. In reading it, I have come to see that the path to happiness doesn't lie with other people. Happiness may come from being around other people but it must ultimately stem from you. After a long few months of sadness and a feeling of being lost, I know I'm going to be more than okay. Whatever is supposed to happen will happen in Gods time. As Father said in the homily last Sunday, " There can be no Resurrection without the suffering of the cross."


Random thought: This past week I have been to two funerals. One was for an older man who served in Vietnam and lived a long, good life. He was married for 63 years. I bet you're thinking " Holy crap, 63 years?! " because I thought the same thing. The second funeral I went to this week was for a friend of ours who was diagnosed with lung cancer in November. He was only 51 years old and accepted his death with such holiness and grace.
When I was younger I would always tell myself I wanted to make a difference in the world. I wanted to impact someone in a way that they would never forget me. I think everyone thinks this in their lives. Mr. Grosserode in your last few weeks here on Earth with us, you taught many people how to accept God's will for them. Help me to remember that it is not mine, but His will to be done. And help me to accept whatever comes my way with the humility and grace in which you did. RIP.

Be happy, say a prayer, and always

stay.beautiful

be silent, and listen.

The hardest thing for me to do, yet the thing I believe I am best at, is listening to people. I love just listening to people's stories. I was walking downtown the other day and saw a homeless man and was so drawn to just go and start talking to him and listen to his story. As the logical side of my brain kicked in and said, "That may not be very safe," I never went and talked to him. But how often do we really sit down and listen to what people are saying? Do we really hear them, or do we just listen?
     I've realized with graduation coming up, that I haven't listened to what a lot of people told me in high school. Obviously there are no regrets, but it makes me wonder what would have happened if I really got to know all of my classmates' stories. If I took the time to actually hear what they have been saying to me the past four years, spoken or unspoken. And I think the unspoken words are the ones with the most meaning. We all, me included, have so much going on inside our heads that sometimes the things we feel mean the most to us are the words we don't speak. So my challenge to you today, and everyday, is to listen to the unspoken word. And I am going to do the same. Don't just listen to people, hear what they are saying. Next time you are downtown, don't pass by the homeless man like I did. Utter a, "Hello" or a "I hope you are having a good day." If you are really daring, ask about his story. You might be surprised as to what lessons you can learn.

Smell a rose, donate something, and always,

stay.beautiful

inner peace

Someone told me today to "find your inner peace." I thought about it and asked myself why I hadn't thought about that. Where there is turmoil, peace is just around the corner waiting for you to find it. I've realized that change is inevitable. Whether we like it or not, change is a part of life. Yet, the true judge of character is how you handle it.
    I've been so wrapped up in the major changes going on in my life, that I have lost the peace that I had within myself. I've challenged myself from here on out to always meditate on the inner peace I have within myself, and if it's not there, I must find it. My challenge to anyone reading this blog (if there is anyone) is to find your inner peace. So when change shows its ugly, or pretty, face, you can willingly accept it with your whole heart. Always know that God has a plan for you.

Smile at a stranger, recycle, and always,

stay.beautiful

the first day.

As I was on a breezy walk with my mother for mother's day, I had the idea to start this blog. I hope you enjoy.


I have recently realized that the things we perceive as the norm, the things we know and are comfortable with, are often times lost in this crazy game of life. The things we have always wanted in our lives for ourselves aren't always what we need. The words that we never said will remain just that, unsaid. And the words we did say, are out there forever. The past isn't something we are supposed to look back on and regret. But yet, it is something we are supposed to look back on and smile at.
     At this time in my life, I'm starting to learn these lessons that I never wanted. Such as; the lesson that the plan you have for yourself isn't always what God has in mind for you, and that even though we all think so, the first one isn't always the only one. I can truly say that I have loved, and I have been loved. And I realize that being only 18, many people will choose to not believe that. But who am I to judge them, right?

Until next time, turn a penny heads up, tell a stranger hello and always...

stay.beautiful